Enemigos: Swimfan

I need your help. Tact is not my strong suit. I need to you to tell me what to say to my friend that will get my point across without completely alienating her. Here’s the sitch:

“Michelle” started getting on my nerves. There’s nothing else I can say. She felt like we were friends enough that she could be herself and be goofy and silly and stupid. Well, the only problem with that is I can stand people that act like that ALL the time. It’s immature and it grates on my nerves. She was calling every single day. She was constantly wanting to hang out. The only problem was, she never had any money. Anytime we hung out, I had to pay. I knew Michelle had a crappy job, so I offered to pay. One time. Then, the bullshit started. She would “accidentally” forget her wallet or she wouldn’t have enough money to cover what she ordered. Me, being a good friend, would cover it. Then, it got to the point, where she wouldn’t even pull out her wallet or even *pretend* like she was pulling out her wallet to pay. She would suggest that we go eat or have drinks some place and then not have any money or, she would whip out her calculator and her checkbook and start adding up how much she had in her account right there at the table and then look at me with this hangdog expression to make me feel bad that she had no money and guilt me into paying.

She was dating this guy that was essentially using her for a booty call, but slapped a relationship tag on it to keep her pacified. She lived in a town about 20-30 miles away and she would come into town to see him and was killing time at my house until he was done with whatever he was doing and then she would trot off to his place that she wasn’t allowed in when he wasn’t there and wasn’t given a key to even though they had been dating forever. One night, she was sitting at my house waiting for him to call her so she could go meet him. I had a test the next day and didn’t want to put her out, but it kept getting later and later. She didn’t leave until almost one in the morning, and I overslept and missed my test. That was it for me. My G.P.A. is the most important thing and anything that compromises that is cut off. I kinda stopped answering my phone after that.

She met my friend, “Leslie” at my birthday party and monopolized her and got her phone number. Then, she basically took Leslie over. Full-on took her over. They were hanging out a lot, talking on the phone a lot, etc. It got to the point where it didn’t even feel like Leslie was my friend; she was *Michelle’s* friend. This was during one of my black periods where I was in a “fuck it” kind of mood and I basically said, “fuck it,” and let her have her. It didn’t help matters that Leslie repeated some things about my friendship with my best friend that only Michelle could have known. She also made some comments that let me know that my name and personal business were being discussed. That *really* pissed me off and I stopped responding to Leslie’s texts, phone calls, and invitations to show up at things because I knew Michelle would be there and I didn’t want to be around her and I didn’t trust either of them because it was fairly obvious they were talking about me. I cut Leslie off and that was wrong. I know, write it down for posterity; I actually admitted that I was wrong about something. I shouldn’t have done that to her. Eventually, she stopped trying.

Michelle moved out of state and, right around Yom Kippur, I started thinking about Leslie and I felt bad, so I sent her a text. Slowly, we started hanging out again. She didn’t really want to discuss the Michelle situation, and neither did I, but it needed to be addressed. We started talking and I told her how I felt and then she told me that Michelle was doing and saying things to cause a division between us. Leslie would want to invite me to things and Michelle would come up with reasons and excuses for why she didn’t want me there. Then, she made it seem as if I didn’t want to be friends with Leslie. Basic girl bullshit, in other words. Some of Leslie’s friends confirmed all the nonsense that Michelle was spreading. Then, to make matters worse, she kinda started bugging Leslie the way she was doing me. She would call all the time, be needy all the fricking time, pull the same money crap all the time, and would even show up at her house when she wasn’t there and be sitting outside waiting for her when she got home.

Leslie and I have worked through our issues and we’re closer than ever. The only issue is Michelle. Something needs to be done. Leslie wants no part of it. She told me that, since Michelle was my friend first, I should deal with the situation. I get her point in a way, because by introducing them, I brought drama into her life. I don’t know what to say that won’t sound messed up, though. Michelle and I have a *lot* of mutual friends, so I can’t eradicate her from my life the way I normally would someone that has caused this much drama. I want to tell her off, but I’d probably make her cry and, for the most part, she is a good friend. She’s just annoying in large doses and severely lacks good judgment and common sense in a *lot* of areas.

Tell me how to tell her to back the fuck off. Tell me how to tell her to quit being a stalker with my friend, to go make her own damned friends, and stay the hell away from mine. Tell me how to tell her that she needs to learn home training (i.e. it is not acceptable to eat food off people’s plates nor is it acceptable to pass gas *loudly* from either end of your body at the dinner table and then laugh about it and do it repeatedly). Tell me a nice way to tell her that, if you don’t have money, stay your broke ass at home like normal people do. Tell me how to tell her that her squatter’s rights on my personal space are being revoked and she needs to learn boundaries and stay in her place and out mine.

Help me. Please?

State of the Union: Distressed
Listening to: Glamorous by Fergie.

Edited: January 28th, 2010