Dating Diaries: Crush, Crush

I have a crush on this guy I go to school with. I probably shouldn’t say anything because he probably thinks I’m nuts. Anyone that reads the things I post on Facebook will understand why he might have that impression. I don’t know him all too well, but I like the things I know. He seems smart, funny, and nice. Like real nice.Genuine, I mean. You can tell he came from a loving home and that he isn’t dark and twisty like myself. See my problem?

I attract psychos. We all know this. The only thing is, I don’t even know if he likes me. I like him, but for the first time in ages, I can’t tell how he feels about me. I know he thinks I’m silly because he’s always laughing at me and making fun of me because I always manage to do or say something boneheaded in front of him. I get flustered when I talk to him and some of the most inane things pop out of my mouth. If he didn’t know for a fact that I got into the same school he did, he’d probably think I’m a complete idiot.

I sent him something via email that I might end up regretting. It will be awesome if he checks the one box but DEVASTATINGLY horrible if he checks the other box. If you get rejected by someone that isn’t crazy, that doesn’t have multiple personality disorders, or isn’t a raging ‘roid head, someone normal in other words, does that mean you’re doomed?

This is what I sent him:

Send up some silent prayers that he doesn’t stomp all over my poor heart.

State of the Union: hyperventilating a tad
Listening to: That Girl is a Cowboy by Garth Brooks

Edited: January 25th, 2010

Dating Diaries: That Jackass

That’s his new name. That Jackass. I hadn’t spoken to him since December 22nd, I believe. He always managed to call when I was at work, doing something important, or when something good was on t.v. I knew I didn’t really like him as much as I should. He was super enthusiastic about me and I was more like, “eh,” about the whole situation. Just the thought of a certain someone that I’ve had a crush on since high school potentially showing up at my party had me more excited and that gave me my answer. I didn’t call him or text him during Christmas and I went to a New Year’s party alone and kissed a bottle of champagne rather than be with him. He’s left messages and I didn’t know how to respond, partially because I didn’t want to talk to him and partially because I knew that, if I did respond, he would jump on the “I want to sleep with Slayer” bandwagon again.

He called and I did something cowardly, but what I learned from dating Richard. If you’re going to break up with someone and they’re potentially mentally unstable, don’t do it in person or over the phone. In person, they can cry, plead, hit you, or try to kill themselves or you. If you do it over the phone, you feel like a dick for hanging up on them when they start crying or you lose control and start yelling back at them when they get verbally abusive and start crying. I can’t deal with men crying. What did I do? I ended things via text.

Normally, I wouldn’t do it. Marlena got broken up with via text and she was devastated. I did it over text because he’s overly emotional and I couldn’t deal with that. I sent him an honest text and told him he was too aggressive for me and it wasn’t going to work out. Then he texts me back and tells me that he’s been calling to tell me he found someone else on New Years. Uh…did you forget that you’ve been leaving me messages and texts about how much you miss me and can’t wait to see me? Whatevs. I don’t even care, but, because I’m a bitch and I have to get the last word in, I told him that it all worked out for the best and I’m glad he found someone to practice free love with. Then I told him I’d met someone else and I’d love for him to meet her because she is awesome. Why am I bitch? He confided in me that his last three girlfriends left him for another chick and now he thinks I have, too.

It was evil and petty, but he told me this story before about how, whenever he likes a girl and her friend tries to cock block, he will deliberately hurt the cock blocker’s feelings and make her feel like shit. He will say, “Are you mad because your friend looks better than you?” or “Are you mad because your friend isn’t fat like you?” or some put down that will make her cry. When he told me that the last night we hung out, casually in conversation like he was discussing the weather, I knew he was a dick and I’d never be able to date a someone like that. I wanted him to see what it felt like to be emotionally kicked in the nuts. Plus, I feel like I have carpal tunnel in my dominant hand and it’s all his fault. You’re not stupid. You know why.

Thank the Lord in Heaven I didn’t sleep with that jackass.

State of the Union: Not amused, not annoyed
Listening to: Whatever You Like by Anya Marina

Posted: 12:12 AM, Wed 6 Jan 2010 in Dating Diaries

Edited: January 25th, 2010

Dating Diaries: Squishy Feelings Alert

I got yelled at because I haven’t been blogging lately. I have all kinds of things to talk about and I keep meaning to do it, but I guess my heart isn’t in it anymore. I don’t even keep up with everyone’s blogs as fanatically as I used to. I guess that, since the old EFX went away/imploded on itself, I just haven’t been as keen to blog as before.

I’ve been dating this guy. I would tell you his name is Francesco, seeing as that’s what he told me his name was, but it’s not. His name is Ran, short for Ranesh or however you spell it. We’re not together officially, but we’re about to not be together in any sense of the word. I keep hearing warning bells and I don’t know why. Maybe because he lied about his name. Well, I met him on the street as we were club hopping to celebrate finals being over and I was all kinds of drunk and I made out with him. Yes. Me. On the street. Drunk as a skunk. Made out with some dude with an Italian accent. Well, the accent explains the “why” part to the making out.

He’s pushy. I used to think it was cute (probably because of the accent), but I am sooo over it now. He doesn’t listen to me. I know I sound like a girl saying that, but in this case, it’s true. When someone is sick and tells you they’re sick and they just want to go to sleep, why would you show up at their door? When they tell you they want to kick it with friends, why would you blow up their phone every hour on the hour until they call you back? When they tell you they want to chill with their family and relax, why would you blow up their phone trying to get them to go to a club?

Part of the problem is that my infatuation with his accent has worn off and I can see that I don’t like him like that. He is smart, he has a kooky sense of humor, he likes to travel, and he isn’t keen to make babies. He sounds like a viable candidate, but the alarm bells are going off. The same ones I had with Richard. I try not to hold any man accountable for the actions/mistakes of another man, but I am getting the heebie-jeebies about him that I got with Richard.

Is it a break up if you aren’t really together? I’m annoyed. Perturbed. Disgruntled. Pick your S.A.T. word. I just need to figure out a way to get him to back off without him stalking me and he soooo has stalker tendencies. Plus, he keeps trying to get me to sleep with him. It’s very off-putting. I’m not suggesting that he play hard to get or anything, but I don’t want you putting my hand on your errection and telling me that I did that, either.

Jeez.

State of the Union: Frocking annoyed
Listening to: Meet Me Halfway by the Black Eyed Peas

Posted: 7:35 PM, Wed 30 Dec 2009 in Dating Diaries

Edited: January 25th, 2010

Dating Diaries: That Jack@ss

That’s his new name. That Jackass. I hadn’t spoken to him since December 22nd, I believe. He always managed to call when I was at work, doing something important, or when something good was on t.v. I knew I didn’t really like him as much as I should. He was super enthusiastic about me and I was more like, “eh,” about the whole situation. Just the thought of a certain someone that I’ve had a crush on since high school potentially showing up at my party had me more excited and that gave me my answer. I didn’t call him or text him during Christmas and I went to a New Year’s party alone and kissed a bottle of champagne rather than be with him. He’s left messages and I didn’t know how to respond, partially because I didn’t want to talk to him and partially because I knew that, if I did respond, he would jump on the “I want to sleep with Slayer” bandwagon again.

He called and I did something cowardly, but what I learned from dating Richard. If you’re going to break up with someone and they’re potentially mentally unstable, don’t do it in person or over the phone. In person, they can cry, plead, hit you, or try to kill themselves or you. If you do it over the phone, you feel like a dick for hanging up on them when they start crying or you lose control and start yelling back at them when they get verbally abusive and start crying. I can’t deal with men crying. What did I do? I ended things via text.

Normally, I wouldn’t do it. Marlena got broken up with via text and she was devastated. I did it over text because he’s overly emotional and I couldn’t deal with that. I sent him an honest text and told him he was too aggressive for me and it wasn’t going to work out. Then he texts me back and tells me that he’s been calling to tell me he found someone else on New Years. Uh…did you forget that you’ve been leaving me messages and texts about how much you miss me and can’t wait to see me? Whatevs. I don’t even care, but, because I’m a bitch and I have to get the last word in, I told him that it all worked out for the best and I’m glad he found someone to practice free love with. Then I told him I’d met someone else and I’d love for him to meet her because she is awesome. Why am I bitch? His last three girlfriends left him for another chick and now he thinks I have, too. It was evil and petty, but I feel like I have carpal tunnel in my dominant hand and it’s all his fault.

Thank the Lord in Heaven I didn’t sleep with that jackass.

State of the Union: Not amused, not annoyed
Listening to: Whatever You Like by Anya Marina

Edited: January 6th, 2010

Dating Diaries: Squishy Feelings Alert

I got yelled at because I haven’t been blogging lately. I have all kinds of things to talk about and I keep meaning to do it, but I guess my heart isn’t in it anymore. I don’t even keep up with everyone’s blogs as fanatically as I used to. I guess that, since the old EFX went away/imploded on itself, I just haven’t been as keen to blog as before.

I’ve been dating this guy. I would tell you his name is Francesco, seeing as that’s what he told me his name was, but it’s not. His name is Ran, short for Ranesh or however you spell it. We’re not together officially, but we’re about to not be together in any sense of the word. I keep hearing warning bells and I don’t know why. Maybe because he lied about his name. Well, I met him on the street as we were club hopping to celebrate finals being over and I was all kinds of drunk and I made out with him. Yes. Me. On the street. Drunk as a skunk. Made out with some dude with an Italian accent. Well, the accent explains the “why” part to the making out.

He’s pushy. I used to think it was cute (probably because of the accent), but I am sooo over it now. He doesn’t listen to me. I know I sound like a girl saying that, but in this case, it’s true. When someone is sick and tells you they’re sick and they just want to go to sleep, why would you show up at their door? When they tell you they want to kick it with friends, why would you blow up their phone every hour on the hour until they call you back? When they tell you they want to chill with their family and relax, why would you blow up their phone trying to get them to go to a club?

Part of the problem is that my infatuation with his accent has worn off and I can see that I don’t like him like that. He is smart, he has a kooky sense of humor, he likes to travel, and he isn’t keen to make babies. He sounds like a viable candidate, but the alarm bells are going off. The same ones I had with Richard. I try not to hold any man accountable for the actions/mistakes of another man, but I am getting the heebie-jeebies about him that I got with Richard.

Is it a break up if you aren’t really together? I’m annoyed. Perturbed. Disgruntled. Pick your S.A.T. word. I just need to figure out a way to get him to back off without him stalking me and he soooo has stalker tendencies. Plus, he keeps trying to get me to sleep with him. It’s very off-putting. I’m not suggesting that he play hard to get or anything, but I don’t want you putting my hand on your errection and telling me that I did that, either.

Jeez.

State of the Union: Frocking annoyed
Listening to: Meet Me Halfway by the Black Eyed Peas

Posted: 7:35 PM, Wed 30 Dec 2009 in Dating Diaries

Edited: December 31st, 2009

Dating Diaries: Trash Deserves Trash…What? Too Harsh?

When my relationships go belly up, I generally don’t blog about why they went bad. Well, except in the case of Naughty Nanny Dude because that was way too bizarre and too funny *not* to blog about it. I said that I wouldn’t post the reasons in an open forum and I haven’t. It does astound me that, for someone that claims to love me so deeply, and do anything for me to keep me happy, for someone who said that, if my cancer came back, would take care of me, he broke the world’s speed record for rebounding with his ex.

Thanks to the keen eye of my friend Jen, who wanted to ensure that I don’t go back to “Retard Richard” as she calls him, she did a little recon and came up with a timeline that even I can’t ignore. She is nosy to a fault and went smooth up on his My Space page and started looking at his pictures. She came up with this:

Yes, she looks like a total hood rat.This is his ex-booty call, his words, not mine, that he says used to come over and try to hook up with him when we were together and yes, according to him, she was a stripper. Where? I have no idea, but I hear the Landing Strip will hire anyone, so hey. Whatevs. I don’t spend too much time looking at his pictures or his page because, makes me sound bad as a girlfriend, I didn’t particularly care and there were so many grammatical mistakes and punctuation errors that it made my head hurt. Well, Jen noticed that, after I went and got my car and assorted items of mine that he had in his possession, he added this one:

They were obviously taken on the same day at the same party so why the subterfuge in not putting it up until after he was sure that I wasn’t coming back if he didn’t do anything with her. I don’t understand why he tried to hide it in the first place. Even when we were together, I didn’t care that he was still friends with her. I really didn’t. That, in itself, should have told me what I really though about our relationship because I am not only the baddest bitch, I have to be the *only* bitch.

I know he can’t be by himself. He is one of those people that *has* to have someone physically there or else he will go insane and I know that he’s a big ol’ horndog that needs sex constantly, so I know he hooked up with her. I’m a big ol’ horndog, too, so the fact that I was coming up with excuses to not sleep with him should have been a red flag in itself. Sleuthy Jen, as I now call her, checked his updates and figured out, by his status and mood page, that he hooked up with her less than a week after we broke up. I hadn’t even gone to pick up my stuff yet and, that same night, after he slept with her, he texted me telling me that he missed me. Uh….okay?

I hadn’t deleted him from my My Space page even though multiple people told me I should. His little sister is on my page as well and I’d have to delete her as well and *she* never did anything to me. I don’t look at his page and I assumed he didn’t look at mine until he started sending me messages. What ticked me off and prompted this entry? He commented on the fact that I had gone to Schlitterbahn and said that, if I ever wanted to go again, to let him know because he had the hook up. Wanna know who is hook up is? His fricking hook up! Yes, that skanky stripper. I think she works there or knows someone that does. How do I know? Sleuthy Jen pointed out the update that said he had an unexpected trip to Schlitterbahn. Oh, and this:

Skank wearing bikini? Check. Hand positioned like she was stroking his hair? Check. Me vomiting in my mouth that I would ever date a jackass that would actually try and run game on the girl that *invented* the game? Check. For the record, the part that has me steamed isn’t that he’s hooking up with her. He can do whatever he likes with whomever he likes. It’s *MY* observation skills that has me wanting to choke the living shit out of his ass. I noticed something that Jen couldn’t pick up on because she didn’t know what she was looking at. The part that has me just BRASSED OFF is the fact that see that iPod sitting on her lap? That’s mine. The iTrip that’s attached to it? That’s mine, too. The part that has me absolutely fucking LIVID? See that jacked up tint on the passenger side window at the top and the smudge stain in the middle? He caused that stain when he put his greasy, gelled up hair against the window one day when I was driving him to his parent’s house. Yes, people, that’s MY FUCKING CAR! He rode that bitch around in MY FUCKING CAR!

I’m so pissed off, my hands are shaking. He was a loser. I didn’t figure it out at first because he hid his craziness well. I will never, ever, EVER forgive or forget this. I want to go OLD TESTAMENT on his ass. I want to run into him and mess him up, all the while wearing that shirt shirt You know. The one that Lindsey Lohan wore on TRL after she and Wilmer Whatshisname broke up:

You had best believe there will be retribution. I will go Old Testament, Vengeance-is-Mine-Thus-Saith-the-Lord on him.

State of the Union: Over loser men

Listening to: Irreplaceable by Beyonce and, believe me, the irony of the lyrics about the dude riding his jumpoff around in a car that Beyonce bought isn’t lost on me, trust.

Posted: 7:41 PM, Fri 4 Sep 2009 in Dating Diaries

Edited: October 2nd, 2009

Dating Diaries: Yet Again

Yet again, I find myself on the illusive search for love. I don’t want to sling mud at him because, for all his faults, he wasn’t a completely horrid person. Let’s just say he wasn’t for me. For many reasons. Not just because I’m being picky. There were valid reasons, not like the time I broke up with that dude that brayed like a donkey when he laughed. Or the guy with the “too moist” lips. Or the guy with the guyliner (In my defense, any dude that wears more makeup than me is definitely suspect.)

There were seriously valid reasons that I am a tad bit ashamed to write about. I counsel my friends all the time about being in destructive relationships, and yet, I stayed in one for six months. When I finally realized I was being hypocritical, and that I was unhappy to boot, I put the kibosh on it. To which he responded, according to a reliable source, by hooking up with his stripper ex (do I call her an ex when all she ever did was use him as a booty call ?) not even a week after we were broken up. So much for being in love with me, eh?

Anyhoo, I refuse to become one of those bitter people that bashes men every time a relationship goes horribly awry. I just look at this as an opportunity for growth and reflection. Besides, football season is upon us and, if you know nothing else about me, you will see that Slayer is never alone for long at a tailgate.

Ta for now!

State of the Union: Surprisingly upbeat
Listening to: Everybody’s Changing by Keane.

Posted: 12:26 PM, Thu 20 Aug 2009

Edited: October 2nd, 2009

Dating Diaries: Yet Again

Posted: 12:26 PM, Thu 20 Aug 2009

Edited: September 17th, 2009

Dating Diaries: Right on Schedule

He really is. Right on schedule, I mean. I dated this guy off and on for almost six years. He knows me inside and out. He has the uncanny knack for calling me a) when I’m sad and I *need* someone to talk to or b) when I’m happy. It’s like he has a this alarm that goes off when I’m happy that says, “Oh, she’s happy. Time to go f–k this up.”

He is my kryptonite. He is my Achilles heel. He comes along and he’s cute and happy and playful. I forget all the bad things, remember the good, obliterate whatever relationship I’m in, things are great for a while and then he’s off again. He blows in and out of my life like a malevolent wind of good looks, nice clothes, and sexy cologne.

I told him about Richard. He wasn’t mad. He wasn’t snarky like he normally is. He was cool, probably because, if I follow the pattern I always do, our relationship is going to go belly up and all he has to do is sit back and wait for it to happen.He’s always been that monkey on my back, that crack habit I couldn’t quite kick. I told him about Richard. Normally, I wouldn’t put a name to it. I would just say my boyfriend, or my dude. I think I freaked him out by giving him a name.

I think I’m moving in a different direction. I told him I finally realized it’s never going to happen and just let go. We’re friends. We’ve always been friends. We’ll always be friends. I’m the best friend he never knew he had. I know everything about him. I know what makes him tick. I’ll miss him in a lot of ways, but in others, I’ll be glad he’s gone. Maybe I’m growing up after all. Maybe there is life after Rolando Ramon.

State of the Union: Mellow
Listening to: The Climb by Miley Cyrus on Pandora

Posted: 12:05 AM, Wed 3 Jun 2009 in Dating Diaries

Edited: August 4th, 2009

Dating Diaries: Him

He occupies a lot of my free time. I can’t blame him, though, for my lack of discipline this semester. It’s a lot of things. I have no focus. It’s just gone. My study schedule went up in a flame of dust this semester. I haven’t been hanging out with my cronies as much as I used to. I haven’t been on My Space or Facebook that much. I haven’t gone dancing in forever. I don’t blog nearly as much anymore. I’m doing homework. I’m at his house. I’m watching t.v. while thinking about all the homework I should be doing. I also realized, now that I don’t go out that much anymore, that I used to spend a goodly portion of time knocking back drinks with my friends in bars and pubs. Not getting sloshed, mind you, just chilling.

I spend the majority of my time at his house sleeping. He’s normally watching a movie (which we all know I don’t have the attention span for when it’s dark and cold) or he’s playing video games. I’m reading, doing homework, or sleeping, but mostly sleeping. He has a very comfortable bed and he’s my life size “boy pillow.” It’s kind of nice being constantly adored. It makes me a little nervous sometimes, though, but I guess that’s just typical. You wish and wish for something and then you get it and you still can’t be happy. I need lessons in being happy.

Anyway, here are some pictures of Princess Dynamite and her Cutey Consort.

This is us at the start of our first road trip.

He took this picture when we were in Padre. It was very windy.

This is the first, and probably last, documented evidence of me doing PDA with anyone.

This is me at the USS Lexington in Corpus Christi. There’s something about ships that just makes me horny.

This is one of my favorite pictures. He was hot, so he stripped down to his undershirt. That’s the difference between men and women. Women will suffer for fashion.

This was taken the day after he told me he loved me for the first time. That’s when I really started panicking in my mind. Crazy shit always ensues after men tell me that. If I wouldn’t look so conspicuous, I would start sleeping with a bat. I keep having dreams that he will freak out and go crazy like Jack Nicholson in the Shining…..

State of the Union: Perturbed, but surprisingly upbeat

Listening to: Chasing Pavements by Adele

Edited: June 1st, 2009