Dance of the BellY: Is it Wednesday Already?

Pray for me, People. Today is Bipolar Belly Dancing Wednesday. My belly dancing teacher for my Wednesday night class is so off her meds it’s ridiculous. I don’t say much in class anymore because I never know which side of her I’m going to get. I just keep quiet, do the drills, and then go home. I also learned that she has terrorized many other belly dancers that I know. She traumatized one girl to the point that she refuses to dance anymore. Period. It’s weird to hear her tell stories to all these fools in my class and know that she either A) embellished them to epic proportions B) made herself out to be the victim when she was the terrorizer in all reality.

She called me on election night all hopped up on wine to “have some words” with me about how she feels like I’m “undermining her authority” and “disrespecting her in her class” I’m undermining her authority because I’m good. Apparently, I’m supposed to pretend to suck for other people’s benefit. O-kaaaay. Then people had asked her where to get a silk veil and she said just to look up stores in Austin online. She was upset because someone asked me where I bought my veil and I told them. She told me that I shouldn’t have said anything and that was disrespectful to her. I countered with,” What was I supposed to do when she asked me? Lie?” She said no, but she has so many friends in the belly dance community, that it wouldn’t be fair to steer people to one shop over another.

At first, I thought it was because she had beef with the person in town I bought it from. I later found out that she’s trying to sell off her own goods at marked up prices. She tried to palm off this fugly costume for $100 that I saw on E-bay last week for $35. I told her that I would respect her wishes and not send anyone anywhere, but I told her that; it’s a good thing not everyone practices her policies, because I was referred to her class. Her main reason for calling was that she wasn’t sure how it would work with me taking lessons with her and also with my other teacher. My teacher, Helene, was also *her* first teacher back in the day and there is some baaaaaad blood between the two of them. I was cool up until that point, but Helene is kind of like a mother to me, so I kinda went off on her. I told her that Helene made me the dancer I am today and she sent me to her for Egyptian lessons. I told her that I didn’t know what the issues was between them, that I didn’t even know that there *was* an issue until she brought it up, but I’m there to get involved in anyone’s politics; I’m there to dance. She has something to teach me and I want to learn it, but if it’s going to be a problem, I understand and I’ll go elsewhere.

Her tone changed *real* quick. She started hemming and hawing and sucked it up and apologized to me. I’m not the best belly dancer out there by *any* stretch of the imagination, but I’m the best she’s got and she knows it. Besides, she knows that I can go somewhere else and get placed immediately in an intermediate or advanced class (depending on how generous the instructor is) just by saying that I’ve studied with Helene, so she made like a good girl and made nice and she’s been minding her p’s and q’s ever since. I figured out that she’s trying to poach me from Helene so that I can be in the troupe she’s trying to perform. I was just there to learn some cool new moves and a new style of belly dancing, yet I get embroiled in longstanding feuds, bitter slander, and belly dancing style corporate raiding.

See? And you thought belly dancing was just happy dancing girls with jingly coins belts and flashy booby bras. Silly rabbit……

State of the Union: Amused
Listening to: You Have Been Loved by Sia

Edited: December 4th, 2008

Dance of the Belly: OMFG. Can This Costume Be Any Uglier?

So, the annual Troupe Belly Dancing Competition is tomorrow. Belly dancers from all over the United States, not to mention one troupe from Scotland, will be performing tomorrow night at the Scottish Rite Theater here in Austin. There will be some pretty flipping amazing dancers coming, showing their skills and Elena Lentini, THE Elena, will be performing as well as judging. Why am I in tears right now? Because my costume is FUCKING UGLY!!!! There, I said it. It’s ugly. There are no other words to describe the hideous monstrosity that I will have to don. I don’t even think Angelina Jolie can make this outfit hot. Yes, it’s that ugly.

It’s burnt orange, homemade (NOT BY ME), and beyond tacky. Why burnt orange? Because she said there were no other material colors, all the other girls are pasty and can’t pull it off, plus she had already bought the material.The girl that made the costumes said that she knew how to sew. No offense, but my little nine year old sister could have done a better job with this. The only reason why I agreed to let her make my costume in the first place is because I was moving and didn’t think I would have enough time. Well, I should have done it anyway, because she still doesn’t have the skirt/belt that goes with it finished, the arm bands are hideous and she had to redo the shirt because she made it too small and my boobs popped out from the bottom of the shirt. She had three weeks to do our costumes and they look like she made them in the car on the way to rehearsal.

She finished everyone’s outfit but mine, including the girl that got fitted a week and a half after she took everyone’s measurements. When she showed up without my skirt/belt, with arm bands in the wrong material, and with the second top that threatened to strangle me, it took the hand of God to keep me from knocking her ass out. Don’t volunteer for things if you don’t have time to do them properly and please, for the love of God, don’t volunteer to make costumes if you can’t flipping sew. Augh!!!!

Now I have to go on in this orange monstrosity that, I swear to you, makes me look like the Great Pumpkin from the Charlie Brown Halloween Special. I am, as we speak, making a flaming gold and orange tulle tutu to go up underneath this and I have christened myself the Punk Rock Fairy. I was really, really upset before, until I talked to the other girls and learned that their costumes are ugly, too, so now I don’t feel as bad, but it’s really chapping my ass that I’m going to have to pay this whore for making this, especially when I could have sent this to NysaK and paid her to make me look like a superstar…..

State of the Union: Brassed off
Listening to: Umbrella by Marie Digby

Edited: August 26th, 2008

Dance of the Belly: Flashback 2007

This is the closest that any of you will see me showing my belly or belly dancing in public. This was a snippet from our troupe competition last year. We were in the beginner category (even though Z-Helene has confirmed this was intermediate choreography and I was the only one that was still technically a “beginner” with one semester under my belt) and placed third, I think.

By the end, I was buzzing on the Jim Beam that Gianni so thankfully provided from his flask. Out of all the people that I invited, (people were bitching because they had to pay $10) Gianni was the only one that showed. Well, my dad put in an unexpected and uninvited cameo appearance and I messed up every time I looked at him, so I stopped looking eventually and my dancing improved exponentially.

In case you’re wondering, I am the uncoordinated spaz in the back row on the left. Thank God Tasmia is blocking me for most of this performance.

Edited: August 26th, 2008

Dance of the Belly: Flashback 2007

This is the closest that any of you will see me showing my belly or belly dancing in public. This was a snippet from our troupe competition last year. We were in the beginner category (even though Z-Helene has confirmed this was intermediate choreography and I was the only one that was still technically a “beginner” with one semester under my belt) and placed third, I think.

By the end, I was buzzing on the Jim Beam that Gianni so thankfully provided from his flask. Out of all the people that I invited, (people were bitching because they had to pay $10) Gianni was the only one that showed. Well, my dad put in an unexpected and uninvited cameo appearance and I messed up every time I looked at him, so I stopped looking eventually and my dancing improved exponentially.

In case you’re wondering, I am the uncoordinated spaz in the back row on the left. Thank God Tasmia is blocking me for most of this performance.

Edited: August 26th, 2008