CL Tomfoolery: Are You Serious?

How do you know you’re hard up for the love of a good woman? When you write crap like this:

man seeking woman…NO FAGS – m4w (VAGINA!!!)

FU QUEER PROSTITUTES!!
i mean…can’t a genuine perv like yourselves just post an ad for chicks without you ruining it for the rest of us? you have you’r own section for fuck’s sake. you don’t see me in you’r section asking for a vagina glory hole, do you? no…because you don’t have one. fuckin’ ass vipers. you give e-pron a bad name.

* Location: VAGINA!!!

I left all the punctuation as-is, even though it galls me to do so.

And then there’s this dude that pissed me the f—- off.

hard core right wing christan seeks opposite to test my faith – 28 (austin)

I’ve been praying a lot lately for Jesus to help me test my faith and prove my love for him and the republican party. Today, at church, the answer finally came.

Jesus told me, he said, (and i’m paraphrasing here) ‘you know how i washed the feet of all those whores that one time in the bible?’

And i said ‘yes, lord, i remember that.’

And he said, ‘you should do that, like i did.’

So here I am. I imagine, since you’re browsing the men seeking sex area of craigslist, that you are a godless liberal sodomite who loves Al Franken and hates america. I don’t know if i’m here to save you, or if i’m here to convince you to vote republican… i just know that Jesus sent me here to date you as a test of my personal faith and commitment to him. He was very clear.

Since we are clearly in the End Times, as signaled by the rise of the anti-christ (you may know him as the Secret Muslim), I feel like this will be my final test before I am raptured to heaven. That being said, i’m not looking for anything long term. (i’m sure you understand)

Please, godless liberals only.

God Bless.

So I wrote him back and told him that he had a sick sense of humor, but he got an E for effort. He writes me back and, from the response I got, I rapidly came to the realization that he was not kidding. This wasn’t some ‘tongue in cheek’ bit that he was putting on. Then, he started quoting scriptures at me and had the nerve to say he was in PromiseKeepers. Oh, Buddy, you did it now. He obviously didn’t know that my third dad was a minister. So, me being me, I wrote him back again. If you don’t like profanity or crude sexual imagery, I STRONGLY suggest that you stop and don’t read on.
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I’ll be your dirty liberal whore. I will put your righteous cock in my mouth and suck it down the way the whale did Jonah. I will be your Gomer. I will whore for you whenever, wherever you want. I will spread my legs for you like the Whore of Babylon that I am and you can bathe my sinner pussy with your holy tongue. I want you to part me like the Red Sea. I want you to fuck me so hard that I start speaking in tongues. You can use that scepter of a cock in me and fill me with the Holy Ghost. You can FUCK THE LIVING SIN OUT OF ME and cum on my tits. And then, you can go straight to Hell and burn there because NO “Man of God” would ever blaspheme the way you are right now.

For some reason, he hasn’t written me back yet…..

State of the Union: Smug
Listening to: Shut Up and Let Me Go by the Ting Tings

Edited: September 16th, 2008