Amigos: Selfish Wish

I have one of those secret wishes that I never want to say aloud because it makes me sound like a selfish person. I can say it here because everyone already knows that I’m a selfish person and you still kinda sorta like me so that makes it okay.

I’ve been belly dancing for three years now. I love it. It’s one of the few things that I know I’m good at. We do this improvisational show once a month at a coffee shop here to live drumming. We don’t know what beats we’re going to get or what themes are going to get tossed at us during the second set.

My selfish wish is for my friends to actually support me for once and show up. I invite them and they say they’re going to show and then they never do. These aren’t my “casual acquaintance” friends I’m talking about, but my good friends. I show up at all their things. I come to all their parties, and their kid’s parties, I show up at the things that matter and are important to them, but they never come to mine. Some make the excuse that they have kids. Well, there were about 10 in the audience last night. Others say that have people in town. Hello? Bring them. It’s fun, it’s different, and they’ll be able to brag that they went to an awesome show. Some people complain about being busy or being tired or not having enough time. Who on God’s green earth has more stuff going on and is busier than me? I work full time AND go to school full time and I still manage to get to their events, so that excuse won’t wash, either.

Everyone else has people show up at every single show and it makes me sad. My gay boyfriend Paul has shown up once and I love him for that, and my psycho ex boyfriend used to, but I think it was more because he knew that dancing makes me horny and he wanted to get guaranteed booty. On the one hand, it makes me feel like a bad person because I feel that pinch of jealousy that everyone else is able to field someone and I’m there alone. On the other hand, it makes me feel like I’m a bad person with bad friends because I do good things for them and they can’t do this one thing for me.

I feel like a whiny brat because it seems like I’m begging for adulation, but I don’t need that. I just want my friends to show an interest in the thing that I love above all others. I want them to be a good friend, even if it’s only one time, and show up for me, like I’ve done for them hundreds of times.

State of the Union: Sad
Listening to: Helena by My Chemical Romance

Posted: February 1st, 2010 under Uncategorized.

Comments

Comment from nysak
February 1, 2010 at 8:49 am

I’d come watch! hell I’d love to learn how and join you, and make us sexy costumes