Amigos: Friday Night Drunkery

I was a grade A lush this weekend. I don’t know how my liver is still functioning. There’s nothing like being up until three in the morning, drunk off your ass on champagne, messing with guy’s emotions on Craig’s List. My head hurt so bad the next day, but it was worth it. Anywho, I probably shouldn’t put this up, but I *have* to. On Friday, my friend and I were trying to outdo each other with gross pics from casual encounters: I’m talking small penises, women with junk everywhere (not just their trunk), etc. She’d send me gross ones from her city and I’d send her some from mine. Anyway, this dude posted this:

[B]http://austin.craigslist.org/cas/1043799418.html [/B]

I had a good time laughing at him. Fueled by the champagne, I sent him a nice lovely email that said, “With your little ass in the air, all in the prone position, it makes me want to sing: You’re so gay. You probably think this song is about you. You’re so gay….” Now, it seems really silly, but it was hilarious at the time, especially since A) I was drunk and *everything* was funny, B) my friend and I were singing along at the time and c) he wrote me back with,” Whatever, Carly Simon.”

So, my friend was scouring in Men for Women because hey, eHarmony charges and CL is free. She found this dude that seemed okay, except he has the Bionic Forehead. He has the Incredible Hulk of Foreheads. It got bigger in each picture he sent. She was worried about how long his response time was taking and I said it was because he was answering other responders and she said that he told her no one else replied, so I, in my infinite deviousness, had her send me the link so I could reply to him. I wrote to him and this is what ensued:

[B]Hey. I saw your CL ad. Before I get all excited, are you real?[/B]

Yes I am for real! Ok here are my pics…

[I]

****Didn’t I tell you? His forehead looks like something out of Alien Nation****[/I]

[B]Has anyone else responded to your ad?[/B]

Yeah a couple people.

[I]

*****He just told my friend a BLATANT LIE. Here comes Evil Me………******[/I]

[B]I am in Austin, but I’m moving to L.A. next week. Here’s the link to my ad. Tell me if you like what you see.

http://austin.craigslist.org/cas/1043799418.html[/B]

[I]***You already know where that link goes to….*******[/I]

Ummm sorry…was looking for a woman…

[I]**That’s right. I made your lying ass look at man ass. hahahahaha*****[/I]

[B]I will be a woman after my trip to Thailand next month. Can we hook up when I get back?[/B]

[I]****Yes, all you Real World watchers know I was letting Katelynn be my guide right about now.*******[/I]

no thanks…good luck with that though.

So, because I was only two bottles of champagne to the wind, I decided to start texting my ex, you know, Naughty Nanny Boy. Yeah…him. hehehe. I asked him if he’d found true love or if he was still searching. Keep in mind, he has an ad up on Craig’s List right now looking for an Escort. Think I’m playing? [B]http://austin.craigslist.org/m4w/1010376974.html[/B]

I’m an English major, Buddy. Analyzing writing styles is my bread and butter.

He said he was still looking and then the cat and mouse game proceeded. I knew he deleted my number. I keep *everyone’s* number. That way, on the off chance they don’t delete yours and they try to call you, you’ll already know who it is and know not to answer. I told him that we had dated and we’d had an altercation and we don’t speak anymore (all true, right?). We went back and forth and he kept trying to figure out how he knew me. He couldn’t pin down who I was (that’s what happens when you f— over multiple women) so he asked why we fought and I told him that he was a little upset with me when he found out I had been born a man.

Time out. Men: If someone told you this, would you keep texting about this or would you squash it and not reply? Me, too, but not this assclown. He kept mixing it up with me trying to get me to tell him who I was. He kept trying to say I had the wrong person, but I called him out by his real name, remarked on him having red hair, and the coup de grâce, asked him did he still try to pass off positions he learned in yoga class as sexual positions he invented. I am in hysterics by this point, because no matter what craziness I put out there, he kept fricking responding! He even tried to call me! Who honestly would call? Who?!?!?!?

I wouldn’t answer, so then he tried to call private like I was stupid enough to answer. So then, he texted me back and put, “Why didn’t you answer? Are you scared?” I told him, “Can’t answer because I’m giving a hand job right now.” ANY sane person would have just stopped at that point, if not earlier. Not this assclown. He tells me to call him when I’m done. WTH?!?!? Common sense should have told him I was lying because how am I too busy giving a handjob to answer, but I can still manage to text? Come on, now. By this point, my friend and I are in tears laughing and I had snorted champagne through my nose like twice.

Now this fool keeps calling me private, hoping I’ll answer the phone so he can figure out who I am. It’s been three days, Buddy, give it up. This is my punishment, but it cheered up my friend immensely and it kept us from feeling bad for staying home on a Friday night, so I’ll keep sending his annoying calls straight to voicemail.

Marlena would say that this is what I get for dating a redhead in the first place….

State of the Union: Still hungover

Listening to: America’s Suitehearts by Fall Out Boy

Edited: February 27th, 2009

Meme: ABC’s

I stolded this from NysaK on BookFace.

A – Allergies: Grass, trees, pollen, mold, pet dander, marijuana…there’s like 50 more.

B – Bed size: Full. I sleep alone.

C – Chore you hate: Vacuuming

D – Dad’s Name: Which one? My mama’s been married four times. Myron, Gary, John, Earl.

E – Essential start-your-day item: Juice

F – Favorite actor(s): Uhhh…Aidan Turner on All My Children and Johnny, Lucky, and Nikolas on General Hospital. I don’t care about their acting skills. They’re just hot.

G – Gold or silver: Silver

H – Height: 5′5 and 3/4″

I – Instruments you play(ed): Tone deaf. Wait, do my finger cymbals for belly dancing count?

J – Job title: Ruler of the Universe

K – Kid(s): Yeah, other people’s.

L – Living arrangements: I live in a swank pimp pad solo.

M – Mom’s name: Rubie.

N – Nicknames: Dee Dee Dynamite, Dynamite, Dee (I hate it when people call me that), Deeds (only old old friends use that one), Auntie Dee Dee, Heinous Bitch.

O – Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Car wreck, every time my mum or nana went into the hospital,

P – Pet peeve(s): People eating off my plate, people wearing my clothes or shoes, people touching my stuff, dumb people, stalker people…the list goes on forever

Q – Quotes you like: “Shit, Bitch. You is fine.”

R – Right- or left-handed: Right, but left for certain things

S – Sports you played: football, tennis, lacrosse, badmitton, softball

T – Time you wake up: 10:00 a.m

WTH? Where’s U?

V – Vegetable you dislike: Okra, limp zucchini, squash without Velveeta

W – Ways you run late: Waiting for other people.

X – X-rays you’ve had: Teeth, hand, breasts, chest, head

Y – Yummy food you make: Everything I make is nummy goodness, but I do make my spaghetti sauce from scratch.

Z – Zodiac: I don’t believe in it, but I’m a Libra.

State of the Union: Friday! Friday! Friday!
Listening to: It’s Friday, I’m in Love by the Cure (Funny. I *only* listen to this song on Fridays)

Edited: February 27th, 2009

École: School Blows

It does. I’m a nerd and I’m saying it. I know, I know. They’re going to take away my Nerd membership card. Classes are seriously difficult. I’ve actually had to study this semester. OMG. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I had to do that. These teachers are smoking some crack. I haven’t had a single multiple choice test all semester. They actually require me to *know* the information and not just make an educated guess based on the options available. What’s up with that?

Seriously, though. My Logic class is kicking my ass. I now know that I am not a linear thinker. I don’t think it matters if I take the scenic route as long as I get to the point, but my professor begs to differ. I think this class started out with like 150 people and we’re down to 17. That’s right, seventeen. Flipping quitters. Grrrr…..

Our professor posted the grades. Out of the 17 people left, only 4 people passed the first test. Four. One person got a low B. Three people got a C. Everyone else failed. Failed miserably. I am a nerd. I pride myself on being a nerd. I embrace my nerdiness.

I’ve never been so happy to make a C in all my life…..

State of the Union: Gratitude (I passed!!!!!!)
Listening to: What About Now by Daughtry

Edited: February 27th, 2009

Holy Days: Happy Clap Trap Days

Valentine’s Day is a commercial clap trap. You know it. I know it. It’s the one day that women are required to put out as long as the man puts up some “visible displays of affection.” So, in case I don’t see you or hear from you tomorrow, here’s your Slayer Valentine:

State of the Union: Happy

Listening to: If You Seek Amy by Britney Spears

Edited: February 27th, 2009

Work Life: Big Babies

I normally don’t make my entries private, but I have the feeling that one of my coworkers still reads my blog and, seeing as I’m about to bitch her out, I figure, better safe, never sorry. I didn’t mention it before because I’ve been distracted, but I got called into HR a few weeks ago. Seems my coworkers have a problem with me. They were too scared to approach me and tell me that there was an issue, but they were quick to scurry to HR like the rats they are. I sat there with my HR rep and my boss and I honestly thought I was in some bizarre movie.

My coworkers went to HR to complain because I make them feel inferior. I make them feel stupid because I know things that they don’t. I had to sit there and listen to a litany of complaints about how I hurt their feelings when I’m curt with them, how it bothers them that I don’t talk to them, how I cut them off when they’re rambling on about something and ask them what do they want or what do they need, how it bothers one of my coworkers that I don’t look him in the eye, how intimidating I am, how I make them feel inadequate and lacking, and how I have the answer for everything. I sat there for as long as I could and then I just started laughing (That’s what I do when things have reached the point of absurdity that it was at). I laughed until I cried. As I wiped my eyes, I laughed and said that I didn’t realize I worked with a bunch of punks.

I had to school my new boss and my HR lady on what *really* goes on when I’m at work. I told them that I’m curt because I have 50,000 things to do and they are constantly interrupting me asking questions that I already answered the day or the week before. I know everything because I write things down when people show me how to do it so that I don’t have to ask over and over again. I, unlike the two buffoons I work with, actually go look for the answer before asking for help. These fools don’t even pretend like they’re trying. They get up and they ask me or they ask my lead. They don’t ever think for themselves.

I told her I work and I go to school full time and I don’t have time to play around. I have a task list that needs to be completed that day because, if I don’t, it’s just one more thing on top of all the crap that’s coming tomorrow I told them that I don’t socialize with them because they are constantly talking shit about each other when the person in question isn’t there, so I can’t trust them as far as I can throw them. My boss actually tried to defend them until I started telling her some of the things that were said about her and her policies and then *she* got pissed off. Bear in mind, they have been *all* up her ass about how great the 25,000 changes she’s made are, and then they don’t just throw her under the bus when she’s gone, they run her over and then back up over her broken corpse again.

Is there a nice way to say you don’t like to look at your coworkers because they are not at *all* attractive? How do you tell someone that you don’t like to be around them because they smell like old man? Is there a nice way to say that someone’s laugh gets on your nerves so much that you want to spork them to death? Is there a way to say that you close your door because the chick that sits in the office next to you is bi and ugly and stares at your body constantly?If there is, let me know, because that’s what I go through everyday. I asked why is it that they couldn’t come to me if they had a problem. I asked why was this the first time I’m hearing about it. The answer: they’re afraid of me. Damn straight they’d better be afraid of me! Well, that’s not what I told the people in charge, obviously, but still. I told my boss that I’m uncommunicative and pissy because I work my ass off everyday and I have the assclown on my left watching Lifetime all day (no need to ask if he likes boys) and the assclown on my right is constantly skipping up and down the halls singing and dancing like she’s in a Broadway musical when she’s not glued to You Tube.

I asked her how it would she feel knowing her work day is like Groundhog’s Day, knowing the only thing that would change is the outfit you’re wearing, and the people around you are frittering around doing fuck-all while you’re working. I asked her what did she want me to do. I can’t make them intelligent. Am I supposed to dumb myself down to make them feel better about themselves? I told them that I can’t give people self confidence; they need to find it on their own.I don’t have time to worry about if I’m hurting someone’s feelings by not speaking to them or worrying about some imagined slight. I told them that they need to develop a tougher skin and not take things so flipping personal. They need to learn to get to the flipping point and they need to get their heads out of their collective asses and get work done ( I love how you can say whatever the hell you want in HR and it’s okay).

All I know is that, by the time I left there, my boss had a new understanding of what goes on when she’s not here (she works out of San Antonio and is only here one day a week), she realized who’s been carrying my department, and I got an apology. The HR lady got in my boss’s ass and there will be some changes going on around here.

Know what the funny part is? These assclowns honestly thought going to HR would make a difference. The only difference is that they got more work dumped on them and now I have to go in and check to make sure they’ve done it. If it’s not, they get written up.

Ain’t karma a bitch?

State of the Union: Smugly Superior
Listening to: Stronger by Kanye West

Edited: February 27th, 2009

Events: Birthdays and Belly Dancers

I shouldn’t be blogging right now. I should be studying for the two tests I have tomorrow. I can’t focus on anything. It’s the one year anniversary of my nana going up yonder. I bet she’s trying to run things in Heaven and she and the Lord are about to get into a fist fight. I can see it happening.

I miss my wrinkly little Pocahontas.

So, to distract myself, and for lack of anything worth writing about that isn’t sad or depressing, here are a couple of pics from Carolina’s birthday party at Grüv.

That’s Carolina, Myself and Vanessa. Amy hasn’t posted the pictures on her camera yet. She has some *good* blackmail material. Let’s just say I will NEVER be able to run for President and leave it at that…..

That’s all of us and Julie. We had V.I.P. and bottle service. Sweet!

Here’s some picks Vanessa’s birthday at Qua (Yes, the club they wouldn’t let her into a week ago).

Me with the Birthday Girl.

Carolina, Amy, Vanessa, Julie and Myself. Yes, we travel in packs.

Julie and Myself. Everyone else was dropping it like it was hot on the dance floor. We were wearing ho shoes, so we were taking a “foot break.”

Whatever ass clown took this picture was obviously tore up.

The crew. We totally shut it down that night. Ain’t a stain on me…..

These are from Kick Butt Belly Dance at Kick Butt Coffee in January:

Sonya Taft, a.k.a. The Taftinator. I am her groupie. I’m a Taftinette.

Skinny showed up for the show. So did Lyle, but that’s a separate entry.

My nana made the blouse and the skirt as two of my Hanukkah presents. I will be taking this picture to my doctor to illustrate that her drugs ain’t workin.’ Look at my distended belly.

Cody showed up and brought his niece. She’s really pretty.

I took the picture as Alana was trying to pull her veil off so she could show her costume. The picture was an accident, but it looked cool anyway.

The shows are all improv. We have no idea what rhythms we’re getting. During the second part, we do duets and people in the audience scream out themes. People were getting cool themes. I ended up having to dance with Colleen (very eccentric) and her dumb ass friends screamed out, “Harry Potter Gypsy Wenches.” All I can say it What. The. F–k. Really. I had to dance to that crap.

The next series of pictures are from Sonya and Helene’s improv. They got “Spontaneous Combustion.” They’re dancing along like smurfs in the village.

Then, they get the news that a meteor shower is coming and chunks are falling from the sky. She started beating those out on the tables with her zills.

She was screaming and yelling and beating her finger cymbals simultaneously and I thought I was going to have a stroke because I was sitting on the floor and my head was *inches* away from where she was beating on the table.

Then, imagine her going quiet and playing normally. Imagine being all lulled and soothed, and then you hear this Greek lady from Jersey scream, at the top of her lungs,”ASTEROID!” No matter how loud you imagine, it’s not *nearly* as loud as she screamed it. Trust me.

Yes, she really was kissing her belly as they said their final goodbyes.

This was right before the end and they went up in a cloud of smoke and ash. I’m not doing this justice. It was awesome.

Colleen and the Taftinator. See? Belly dancers keep it gangsta.

State of the Union: Sad

Listening to: God is Trying to Tell You Something from the Color Purple.

Edited: February 27th, 2009

Events: Wino 2009

wrote this really great entry about Julie’s 28th Birthday that I christened “Wino 2009,” but in continuation of the craphole that is my life, cyberspace decided to eat it. So, you’re getting the abbreviated picture book version.

Here’s the birthday girl with her husband Mario. I’m his other wife. lol.

This is Vanessa, Amy, and Myself. I think they told us to look serious. I was seriously scoping out our hot server.

Julie, Amy, Myself, and Melody. We’re all card holding members of the Big Knockers Club.

Vanessa, Julie, Amy and Myself. Julie literally fell in our laps a second before that picture snapped.

Vanessa and Myself. We’re card holding Britney Spears fans!

Dude. Are Ebony and Ivory not some hot bitches or what?

When winos go bad….yes, she really did lick her, and yes, Vanessa really was that grossed out.

Booty bumping at Grüv. Get down on it!

Us at Grüv. I love these two girls. They rode me up and down every parking garage on 4th street looking for my car until 3:00 in the morning without complaining. If these aren’t good friends, then I don’t know what is.

Can you tell how happy we are that we got our differences worked out? We promised not to let anyone get in our ears with nonsense and come in between us again. I know who I can count on. I know who I can depend on. I know who my best friend is. Ebony and Ivory ride again. I feel like I should be singing that “Reunited” song.

State of the Union: Happy

Listening to: You Found Me by the Fray

Edited: February 27th, 2009

All About Me: An Elantra? You Stole My Elantra?!?!?!?!

In case you haven’t seen my My Space, Facebook, or Twitter page, my car got stolen on Friday night. Not broken into. Stolen. My car. Mine. My Hyundai Elantra. It’s not like I drive a Mercedes or a Lexus or anything. I have a beater Elantra with 15 more payments on it. My car got stolen from downtown Austin. From a parking garage. I could understand if it was parked on the street or in some shady alley, but a parking garage?!??! Seriously?

I was downtown celebrating Julie’s birthday. We went to Cork and Co. Yes, I was in a wine bar. No worries, though, because you know I didn’t drink any of that crap. Everyone kept laughing because I kept declining glasses saying,” No thanks, I don’t like moldy grapes.” I had two glasses of champagne. Then we went to Qua where the asshole doorguy wouldn’t let my friend Vanessa in. He kept saying that she was violating the dress code (she was wearing jeans, a black dress shirt, high heel sandals, and a gray jacket) but he would never come out and say what the violation was. Basically, he was discriminating against her because she’s a bigger gal, but he didn’t want to say it because he didn’t want to get sued. Julie was livid and went off on him because we had just celebrated Vanessa’s birthday like two weeks before there and she was wearing the same outfit she wore that night.

We ended up at Grüv. I only had one gin and tonic and a woo woo shot. I also got felt up on the cool by this hot redhead in the bathroom, but that’s typical. We ended up in the V.I.P. section dancing and being stupid. Some black dude comes up where Julie and I are dancing, takes my hand and then says,” Are you guys up for fucking?” *screech* Say wha? I jerked my hand back and said,”Absolutely not.” Then the asshole had the nerve to get mad and say, “Well, I wasn’t really talking about you since you’re overweight.” Scuze me, honey, but seeing as you were looking me in the eye and holding my fucking hand, who the hell else could you possibly be talking to? Me, being the evil bitch I am, just laughed and told him,” I’m smaller than the bitch you walked in here with.” (Judging by the look on his face, it *had* to be his sister or his first cousin. He looked like he wanted to Ike Turner me). I looked him up and down and told him I don’t like dark meat and I gave up ugly boys when I turned 25. He slunk off like the maggot he is. Then, as we’re leaving, I see him talking to some coked out blond chick with the darkest roots ever and the ugliest outfit in creation. I know he saw me laughing at him because I did it ALL in his face.

We were walking through downtown and passed this girl that had a guy in front of her and a guy behind and I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard him say,”Maybe we can get some double penetration action.” That girl looked like she was a little high, but completely turned on by the idea. I bet her ass is mighty sore today. We went to Vanessa’s SUV and then she took me to go to my car, except my car wasn’t there. We kept driving up and down the whole garage and it wasn’t there. We retraced my steps that night and she and Julie insisted on checking all the neighboring garages, but I know me. I’m a creature of habit. I park my car in the same garage every time I go out. I just assumed it got towed or something. I called the tow company like four times. It didn’t even dawn on me until 8 a.m. the following morning that someone actually stole my car. Like I said, I drive an Elantra. Who would honestly steal my car?

My mom flipped out. My dad was shocked like me. An ELANTRA, People! The police came to file a report (that officer was totally hot!!!!!) and, when I told him what kind of car I had, even *he* rolled his eyes and said I’d get my car back eventually. He thinks some teenage asswipes are joy riding in it and it’ll turn up. I ended up having to get a rental car that guzzles gas and I am just not happy. One of the belly dancing skirts my nana made me for Hanukkah was in my trunk and my iPod was hooked up to my stereo. I was going to get an iPod touch anyway, so I’m not mad about that, but I’m PISSED because my Britney Spears remix cd was in the cd player and I had to practically give away my first born to get one of my deejay friends to make it for me, so I’m livid about that. Everyone has remarked on how not angry I am about this. I don’t know. I should be mad, but I feel strangely detached. I’m more pissed off about my c.d.

If your cousin stole my car, please tell him to leave it on the side of the highway so the popos can get it and I can turn this rental car in. He can keep the stereo and the iPod, but tell your cousin that he’d better return my belly dance skirt and he’d *definitely* better return my c.d. or else I’m going to break his fucking face.

State of the Union: Flabbergasted (A flipping ELANTRA)
Listening to: If You Seek Amy by Britney Spears

Edited: February 27th, 2009

Meme: Be Glad I Love B’s

Directions copied straight from Twisteh’s site: “How this memetic works is that you leave a comment on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. Then you write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.”

I was assigned the letter “B” by Twisty, so here are ten things I love:

[CENTER]B stands for Boys:[/CENTER]

B stands for Books:

B stands for Booze:

B stands for Bags:

B stands for: Belly Button Ring:

B stands for Belly Dancing:

B stands for Beach:

B stands for Beer:

B stands for Birthdays:

B stands for Bad Ass Bitches:

State of the Union: Barely awake

Listening to: My stomach growling

Edited: February 27th, 2009

Meme: More Meme Thievery

I nicked this from Twisty who nicked it from NysaK who nicked it from….wait. Don’t I sound like I’m talking in Bible? So and so begat so and so who begat so and so. Anywho:

001. Real name – Bond. James Bond. I don’t want to put my real name because what if my mum googles it and learns what I’ve really been up to?

002. Nickname(s) – Dee Dee, Auntie Dee Dee, D, Dynamite, White Girl (only by family members), Blatina (cuz I’m Black and Latina per Jules), Deeds (only by a select few).

003. Status – Completely in love with Tyler Christopher, Greg Vaughn, and Brandon Barash (Nikolas, Lucky and Johnny for those that don’t watch GH)

004. Zodiac sign – Libra, but I don’t believe in that stuff.

005. Male or female – My lovely lady lumps say female.

006. Religion – Jewish and Christian and….

007. Elementary – Patton.

008. Middle School – O’Henry.

009. High School – Austin High.

010. Hair color – Reddish brown.

011. Eye color – Brown.

012. Loud or Quiet – Depends on who the guy is and how much I’ve had to drink. *evil grin*

013. Sweats or Jeans – Jeans. I don’t wear sweats. Now, yoga pants…

014. Phone or Camera – Phone. All my friends have cameras, but I couldn’t live without being able to text.

015. Health freak – That’s the only kind of freak I’m not….

016. Favorite Physical Quality – My smile. Most people don’t make it above my breasts, but I like my smile.

017. Do you have a crush on someone? – See question #3.

019. Piercing – Ears and belly.

020. Tattoos – Tribal butterfly on back.

021. Water or Fire – Water.

022. Love of your life or 4 Billion Dollars – Love of my life. His family is loaded so it’s a win-win.

023. First fear – Going to Hell.

024. First best friend –Latra Szal (She was Polish).

025. First award –All A Honor Roll in First Grade (Yes, I was a nerd, even back then).

026. First crush – Phillip Bays in 1st grade. He’s still one of my best friends.

027. First pet – We had a mutt called Sambo.

028. First car trip – We went to Padre when I was four.

029. First big birthday – Sweet Sixteen at the Plaza in New York City.

030. Siblings – One older sister, one younger sister, three younger brothers and one the same age as me.

033. Favorite Dessert – Chocolate truffles.

034. Favorite toy in your house – Does Tivo count as a toy?

035. Ring? – I only wear the claddagh ring Gianni gave me for Valentine’s Day last year.

036. Favorite Season – Spring.

037. Favorite Flower(s) – Tullips and pink roses.

038. Favorite Spice – Cayenne and Tumeric

039. Pancakes or Waffles – Pancakes, totally.

040. Left- or Right-handed – Right, except when playing finger cymbals.

041. Virgin? Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

042. How many relationships have you been in? Multiple bullshit ones. Three super serious ones.

043. Silver or Gold? Silver.

044. Checkers or Chess? Darts.

045. Desktop or laptop?- Laptop. I can IM and watch t.v. at the same time.

046. Ever been Out of the country? – Many, Many times.

047. Where? Mexico, Canada, U.K. France, Switzerland, Australia, Russia. Greece, Rome, Netherlands, Germany.

048. Big City or Small town? – Small town.

049. Favorite Food type – Italian and Greek.

050. Favorite Drink- Alchoholic: Champagne and Gin and Tonic Non alcoholic: horchata.

051. Dogs or Cats – Dogs

052. I’m about to – Go on a lunch date

053. Listening to – Gravity by Sara Bareilles

054. Plans for today – Lunch date, finish work shift, go to an Honor Society meeting and then go to Julie’s birthday party at Cork and Co,

055. Waiting for – my prince to come.

056. Your Height – 5’5

057. Contacts or Glasses – Neither. I was blessed with perfect vision.

058. Want kids? – Someone else’s

059. Want to get married? – Yes, and I will get married…once I find a guy that is not a douchebag.

060. Careers in mind – I want to be a writer for soap operas, be a teacher or a life coach (That’s a joke. I have no business trying to give guidance to anyone).

061. Rain or Snow – Snow

062. Gloves or Mittens – Mittens.

063. Favorite Girl’s Name – Caitlin

064. Favorite Boy’s Name – Braeden

065. Believe in Magic? – No, but I believe in smoke and mirrors.

066. Soda, Pop, or Coke? – Dr. Pepper

067. Brain or Brawn? – Brain. A smart guy can work out and get brawn, but a dummy is pretty much a dummy.

068. Prefer Lips or eyes – Eyes. I have enough lips for the two of us.

069. Great body or great Personality? Personality (well,, provided you don’t look like the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man)

070. Do you want to be Shorter or taller? Shorter only when I go to Rodeo because the guys are short.

071. Do you want to initiate the relationship or him/her?—Boy takes the lead so girl won’t feel whorish for jumping boy’s bones.

072. Romantic or spontaneous – Romantic. I can’t be spontaneous. I’m allergic to too many things.

073. Nice stomach or nice arms – Nice stomach. One of us has to have one…

074. Sensitive or loud – Who made this craphole survey? This doesn’t make sense, but sensitive, I guess.

075. Hook-up or relationship – Relationship. You can hook up with that person over and over again.

076. Should you be friends first or date first? – Date first. I don’t date my friends. Water’s too murky.

077. Trouble maker or hesitant – Troublemaker is my middle name (As long as there’s sour Skittles for me to eat).

078. Chivalry or not? – Chivalry goes a long way.

079. Favorite Board Game – Dirty Operation. You have to take a shot and pull off an item of clothing every time you mess up.

080. Lost glasses/contacts – Not applicable. Does a lost mind count?

081. Ran away from home – I was kidnapped once. I don’t think that’s the same thing.

082. Held a gun/knife for defense? – I have my daddy’s gun. I’m supposed to shoot first and then ask questions later.

083. Killed someone? – Uh….no.

084. Heartbroken – Always.

085. Been arrested – No, but I fantasize about officers and cuffs.

086. Done anything illegal – Uh….maybe. hehehe

087. Cried when someone died –Many times.

088. Cried by yourself – Many times. I don’t like crying in front of people. Tears are emotional blackmail.

089. Laughed til you cried? – Yup. Snorted, too.

090. Believe in Miracles? – Sure do. I’m living proof.

091. Believe in Love at first sight? – Sure do. Happened to me once.

092. Heaven – is lounging on a beach with hot cabana boys bringing you fruity drinks with lots of liquor and umbrellas.

093. Santa Claus – Tried to feel me up at the Blue Santa event last December.

094. Say ‘I Love you’ on the first date – Only if you’re talking to a bottle of gin.

095. Sex on the first date – Hey. It happens.

096. Hold hands on the first date – Why not?

097. Is there one person you want to be with right now – Yes. I miss him like crazy.

098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life – Absolutely not, but I know that I need to get off my ass and work hard to get there.

099. Do you believe in God? – Absolutely.

100, Is anybody going to take this from you? Prolly not. It’s a loooot of questions.

State of the Union: Whatever
Listening to:You Have Been Loved by Sia

Edited: February 27th, 2009