Total Life Makeover: Start Again

Self discovery is a wonderful thing. This past year has found me floundering. Everything familiar seemed to be ripped away. At times I felt like I was drowning inside my life. A wise woman told me that, when you’ve lost your way, stop, retreat, and regroup. That’s what I have been doing this holiday season. Yeah, I know it doesn’t seem like it with the parties and dancing and booby shots, but I really have. Well, New Years weekend anyway.

At about three in the morning, I found myself on the beach with two bottles of Moet to keep me company. I sat up all night and watched the sun rise. Champagne gives me clarity. I sound like my dad talking about marijuana, but I’m serious. I sat and I looked at all the things that have gone wrong this year, all the mistakes I made, all the procrastinating and slacking. Every time something got overwhelming, I a) hopped on a plane and went somewhere else b) retreated and let someone else deal with it or c) retreated until whatever it was went away and was moot.

I just kind of gave up. It was a gradual thing. I didn’t even realize it was happening until I got jerked back into semi-consciousness by my dad a week ago. I’ve been letting all these things happen to me. I’ve been letting people walk all over me and stomp on my heart. I’ve let people take advantage of me and my good nature and well…..that’s over.

I’m going to be selfish and think about me. I’m going to stop worrying so much about other people and worry about myself. This year, everyone becomes self sufficient. I can’t fix everything for everyone and it’s stupid of me to keep doing it. I can’t hold everyone’s hand. I can’t lend you money. I can’t walk everyone through a breakup at two in the morning. No more calling, no more texting, no more emailing or IMing. If you want to talk to me, you have my contact points. I’m not going out of my way anymore.

I’m gonna be selfish. I’m gonna send needy people to voicemail. I’m gonna stay up late reading books that have nothing to do with school. I’m gonna watch t.v. and learn how to play a musical instrument. I’m gonna buy myself whatever I want. If I wake up and feel like taking a trip somewhere, I’m booking it.

I used to hate it when people said “life is too short” because it seemed like that was their excuse to go out and do something stupid and irresponsible. Well, guess what? It’s never too late to learn something new. 2008 has taught me that life is too short to get caught up in other people’s bullshit. I’m going to go out and recapture the life that I lost. It’s me and my hot outfits and matching accessories against the world.

I’m baaaaaaaack……..

State of the Union: Inherently evil
Listening to: Will You be Mine by J.J. Farris

Edited: January 4th, 2009

Holy Days: Christmukkah

Last Saturday, I danced at Kick Butt Coffee. I normally drink Cosmos, but my friend, Colleen, ordered something that came in a pint glass with Coke. I wanted a sugar buzz, so I asked for whatever she was having. Turns out she ordered a Crown and Coke. Crown makes me inhibitionless and Coke makes me hyper. Can you see where this is headed? Yup, I have my fingers, toes, and eyes crossed that no one was filming my dance because I kept having visions that I was in that whole “debauchery” scene in The Ten Commandments right before Moses came down and saw all the sinning, so I can only *imagine* how the hell I was dancing. I kept bouncing up and down like Tigger afterwards. I am cursing the man that made video phones because, otherwise, I’d be in the clear.

Here’s some pics. Seth says that I smile like Britney Spears when I’m drunk.

Mario and Myself. He was cheering loudly for me, so I must have been doing some skanky dancing.

No, this is not a drug deal caught on camera. We get tips from the audience.

Myself with Elena. My nana made me this top as one of my Hanukkah presents.

Myself with Skinny. Well, her name is Carolina. We took classes together.

Afterwards, I had my Christmukkah party. I have retained my crown of Perfect Party Hostess. That or they liked the free food and liquor. I had boneless buffalo wings with Frank’s red sauce and ranch, spicy meatballs, and little sausage thingies in Hickory Mango barbecue sauce (which tasted waaay better than it sounds). I also made guacamole and nachos. I had sangria (for all the wine drinkers), Dos Equis, Corona, Bud Light, and Stella for the beer drinkers, fruit punch with Kentucky Deluxe (what Brandon and I used to sneak and drink when we were underage, undercover alcoholics in training) and Martha Stewart eggnog. That eggnog was strong. The recipe calls for rum, cognac, and bourbon. That Martha Stewart knows how to get me revved up. Oh, and I had the perennial Jello shots. I got progressively more tore up as the night progressed. I’d had an impromptu get together the night before, so my blood type was Jack Daniels by this point.

Paul had major dental surgery and was hopped up on Percocet, so he was *really* happy.

Julie kept talking to me like she was expecting me to punch her in the face at any moment. I guess that’s what happens when you talk smack and get busted. Little did she know, I was druuuuunk and when I am druuuuunk I’m friends with *everyone.*

Myself with Vanessa. We normally sit back at parties, drink in hand, and watch our friends implode on themselves. We love the Hills, Britney Spears, and I know she will plow me down to get to Brody Jenner.

Bobby’s in the Navy. I told him to bring me a High School Musical messenger bag and a Navy Seal. I’m still waiting, Bobby……

Jeannie, Helene, and Julie. Jeannie and Helene are wiccas. Can you imagine how crazy it would be to have wicca belly dancers at your party?

Paul and Vanessa. The two calm, drama-free people in my life.

Lisa and Myself. Yes, I look like the Grinch. *insert evil grin*

Mario is totally going in for the steal. Like my electric menorah? Yeah, I couldn’t find candles for my other one, but hey, I got this one for 75% off at World Market.

Helene was about to beat a hasty retreat. She reminds me so much of my Nana Lena. Both of them expect me to do the impossible and I can’t tell either of them no.

Cody is the nicest dude I know. He’s also clueless. He thinks I’m a sweet girl. Yeah, go ahead and laugh. I sure as hell did.

I was so lit up that I didn’t notice where Paul’s hand was until I uploaded the pictures on My Space the next day.

And, believe it or not, this is not a shameless promotion for my mostly intact boobies, but more an illustration of how hard I was buzzing. Everyone got a good laugh off of the fact that I was holding my camera in the wrong direction as I took the picture. Note to self: Don’t drink your own punch.

State of the Union: Slightly embarrassed
Listening to: Will You Be Mine by JJ Faris

Edited: January 3rd, 2009

Meme: in 2008

****Update*****

There were more questions I forgot to ask. Scroll down for the ~~~~~~2nd meme~~~~~~~

In 2008 Have You..

lost a best friend?
Yes and I remember him everyday.

stayed single most of the year?
Yes and I realized there are a lot of assclowns living in this city.

kissed someone new?
Yes and I refuse to name names.

had your heart broken?
Yes. Twice.

had a stalker?
Yes. He has been stalking me faithfully since 2004.

done something you’ve regretted?
Hell Yes. Show me someone that says they haven’t and I’ll call them a liar to their face.

cut class?
Yes. I learned my lesson and no longer will my friends be put above my studies.

were involved in something you’ll never forget?
Yes. The Komen walk was awesome.

visited a different country?
Yes. Mexico. Ay yi yi!

lost something important to you?
Yes, but I’m trying to get it back.

got a gift you adore?
Yes. Yes. Yes.

tripped over a coffee table?
No. My coffee table is huuuge. I’d have to be blinder than Stevie Wonder to run into that thing.

dyed your hair?
No. My hair can barely hold extension glue, let alone serious chemicals.

came close to losing your life?
Yes. There are angels everywhere keeping us from f—ing up royally everyday.

read a great book?
Several. I couldn’t imagine a world without books in it.

saw one of your favorite bands/artists live?
Yes. George Strait. Still hot.

Did you fall in love?
Yes, with an Aston Martin DB9 Volante.

Do you like someone right now?
Yes. It would be nice to know that he likes me, too.

- ->2008: Friends and Enemies

Did you meet any new friends this year?
Yes. Tisha and Tomi and Jonathan and Lyle (not done in favorites, just in the order I met them)

Did you dislike anyone?
Yup. Same people as last year.

Did you make any new enemies?
I’m sure I did, but they don’t matter enough for me to care.

Did you resolve any fights?
Yes and no. Everyone is getting one last chance in 2009 and then, that’s it!

Did you grow apart from anyone?
Yes. It’s sad, but, at the end of the day, it is what it is.

Do you have any regrets when it comes to your friendships?
You can sit around and get angry thinking about the people from your past that used you, betrayed your trust, or hurt you, but, in the end, it’s best not to dwell on the people from your past because there’s probably a damned good reason why they didn’t make it into your future.

- ->2008: Your BIRTHDAY!

Did you have a party?
Yes. Luau, baby!

Did you get any presents?
Yes. Some were awesome. Some were pathetic. Some were totally WTF were you thinking?

If so what was the best thing you liked?
I loved my Tiffany oval necklace and bracelet.

- ->2008: All about YOU

Did you change at all this year?
I’ve learned to be self-reliant and I’ve learned how to cut my losses,

Did you get your hair cut?
I got ‘em all cut.

Did you change your style?
Every other week it seems.

Were you in school?
Yes.

Did you get good grades?
All except College Math. How the heck do I get an A in Trig and a C in College Math? WTH? I will be repeating that class this spring.

Did you have a job?
Yeah. Now ask me if I like it…..

Did anyone close to you give birth?
Clare just spit out another novio for me.

Did you move at all?
Yes. I finally left the hood. *Happy Dance Time*

Did you go on any vacations?
Several.

Would you change anything about yourself now?
I’d have a smaller waist, a bigger ass, and hair down to my butt that I didn’t have to pay for.

Was 2008 a good year?
No, not really. People I love need to stop dying.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~2nd Meme~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Where did you begin 2008?
At Sonya’s Death to 07 James Bond 007 Party.

What was your status on Valentine’s Day?
Engaged, technically.

Did you have to go to the hospital?
Yes. I hate hospitals.

Did you have any encounters with the police?
I asked a cop to handcuff my hands over my head. He just laughed.

What did you purchase that was over $100?
Shoes. Lauren Conrad dress. Camera.

Did you know anybody who got married?
David and Karen. Seth and Jenn. Chris and Alma.

What sporting events did you attend?
U.T. Football Games. Spurs game. Soccer matches

What is the one thing you thought you would not do, but did, in 2008?
Got married in a Buddhist soul-binding ceremony

What have been your favorite moments?
The day I got married. The day I won big at roulette in Vegas.

Any new additions to your family?
My cousin had a baby.

What was your best month?
August, I guess because I went to Cabo.

Who has been your best drinking buddy?
Jonathan. He puts out.

Favorite Nights out?
My favorite nights were spent “in.”

Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
Toss up between work and school.

Have any car accidents?
No, surprisingly.

Do you have a New Years resolution?
Sure do. The world had better watch out because Slayer is back on her grind.

Do anything embarrassing?
Everyday of 08.

Buy anything new from eBay?
Sure did.

Get married or divorced?
Got married and widowed.

Get arrested?
Only by the Border Patrol on Halloween at Rodeo.

Been snowboarding?
Not this year. I should have gone.

Did you get sick this year?
Sure did.

Been naughty or nice?
Nicely naughty.

Are you happy to see 2008 go?
Yes. This has been one of the worst years of my life. It can *only* get better.

State of the Union: Listless
Listening to: I Don’t Care by Fall Out Boy

Edited: January 3rd, 2009

Holy Days: Christmas Cheer

Yesterday was probably the most laid back Christmas ever. Probably because my mom was sad about my nana and in no mood to fight. She went to go visit her dad’s side of the family. They are “ultra-conservative” and she was afraid that my dress was too low cut (It wasn’t. My boobs are growing again) and reference was made to the boots I was wearing. I told my mom that she hurt my feelings because she was basically saying I looked like a skank (She wasn’t, but I had to play the martyr so she’d get mad and not be sad). I told her that, since I was too trailer park for her family and she was afraid I was going to bring shame to her, I’d go spend it with family that likes me. Yes, people, I had to pick a fight with my mother so I could go see my dad and nana before they left and not feel like a traitor. I wish my mother and grandmother could get along, but that’s like trying to get Israel and Palestine to have happy hour together, so I won’t hold my breath.

I didn’t get what I really wanted for Christmas and I’m trying not to be sad about it. I’m not materialistic or shallow. I wanted something from someone that couldn’t be bought. Alas, it was not to be, so I’m gonna stop whining now. I did, however, make my Christmas wish. It is my fondest hope that it comes true. My dad also bought me some snazzy new “donated hair” that had shades of my natural hair color in it. That was really cool. One bone of contention, though: Neither of my dads nor my Nana Lena wanted to be in any of the pictures (Anti-social people that happen to be extremely photogenic piss me off). Why waste your hotness? It deserves to be seen.

Any bad feelings I may have had were eased away by the sheer joy my little brother and sister displayed as they opened all the presents I got for them. This is my dad’s slow season, so he isn’t working much, so my mom bought my little brother two games for his PSIII and my little sister got the pink Hannah Montana guitar and everything else came from “Sister Claus” (My siblings have known from the jump that there’s no Santa Claus. We didn’t even have to tell them). I went around distributing presents to my friend’s kids (I got tickled when Becca called me “Auntie Dee Dee Claus”) and then I ended up at Rodeo to keep my friend, Vincent, company.

He kept putting two balloons up to his chest and saying that he was me.

Anyway, here are some pictures from Christmas Day.

I hope that each of you got what you wanted for Christmas. I know it’s not really about presents, but I hope all of you felt the peace and hope that I sent your way. Slayer Claus wants to wish all of you a safe and happy holiday season.

Edited: January 3rd, 2009