All About Me: Random Truths

Today is both of my dad’s birthday. Way to go, Mom. Marry two dudes born on the same day and then wonder why they act alike. Shees. Anyway, it’s D Day today with the oncologist. My dad is going with me. I needed something to distract me, so I started messing around on the internet and looky what I found:

I cracked up because I know people like this.

Way to kill my buzz.

Sums up my dating life, doesn’t it?

I am all for calling a spade a spade.

Gianni used to say that your bitchiness should be commensurate with your hotness.

Can we start with coworkers and then move on to friends?

Pray for me, People. I’m gonna need it.

State of the Union: Terrified

Listening to: You Have Been Loved by Sia

Edited: September 26th, 2008

Amigos: Bitchassness is at a Level Orange

There is an epidemic that is sweeping across my friendships. This plague is infecting people left and right and needs to be stamped out before it spreads further and infects the masses. What is it called? Bitchassness. P. Diffy termed this coin on Making the Band Season 4. According to the Urban Dictionary, symptoms include:

1.Punkish tendencies (i.e. acting like a p***y)

2.Cattiness, such as talking behind someone’s back

3.Thinking highly of yourself, but only expressing it under your breath

4.Claiming “hurt feelings” when you are called out on your bullshit.

The following is an informative clip from NecoleBitchie.com made by people in the know letting you know what bitchassness is and giving you prime examples to let you know if you or your loved ones have been infected.

I, personally, am done with all the backbiting and covert bitchassness that has been going on lately. I’ve been on pause for a minute, but I’m about to press play and go off on some people.

Diddy said there will be no bitchassness at Bad Boy and the same applies in Slayer Land. Any person with an ounce of bitchassness in them will be called out on their bullshit and and/or eradicated.

State of the Union: Fed Up

Listening to: Bia Bia by Lil John

Edited: September 26th, 2008

Amigos: Bitchassness is at a Level Orange

There is an epidemic that is sweeping across my friendships. This plague is infecting people left and right and needs to be stamped out before it spreads further and infects the masses. What is it called? Bitchassness. P. Diffy termed this coin on Making the Band Season 4. According to the Urban Dictionary, symptoms include:

1.Punkish tendencies (i.e. acting like a p***y)

2.Cattiness, such as talking behind someone’s back

3.Thinking highly of yourself, but only expressing it under your breath

4.Claiming “hurt feelings” when you are called out on your bullshit.

The following is an informative clip from NecoleBitchie.com made by people in the know letting you know what bitchassness is and giving you prime examples to let you know if you or your loved ones have been infected.

I, personally, am done with all the backbiting and covert bitchassness that has been going on lately. I’ve been on pause for a minute, but I’m about to press play and go off on some people.

Diddy said there will be no bitchassness at Bad Boy and the same applies in Slayer Land. Any person with an ounce of bitchassness in them will be called out on their bullshit and and/or eradicated.

State of the Union: Fed Up

Listening to: Bia Bia by Lil John

Edited: September 26th, 2008

Work Life: Here’s Your Sign

How do you know that you work with a bunch of morons? When you get sent out a company-wide email that states:

“Effective today, the microwave ovens may no longer be used for making popcorn. If you have popcorn in your desk, please consider taking it home. Notices will be placed in the kitchen that popcorn may no longer be made in this building at any time.”

And it’s signed by the Executive Assistant to the frickin’ GM and the HR rep.

This has led me to conclude that we need to have someone take a strong look at the hiring process. If you can’t trust a fool to read the POSTED signs on how long to microwave popcorn for, can you really trust them to not mess up someone’s account? Or trust them with access to social security numbers and credit card information?

I brought a microwave from home a few weeks ago that we keep in our section. I think I’m going to start popping bootleg popcorn for $50 a bag. If they’re dumb enough to burn microwave popcorn in a microwave that has a popcorn button on it, then they’re probably dumb enough to pay $50 for a bag of it.

State of the Union: Disgusted
Listening to: Boys With Girlfriends by Meiko

Edited: September 24th, 2008

Dating Diaries: OMFG. Where Do I Find These Fools?

The title says it all. I am normally not in the habit of posting someone’s electronic correspondence, but I have to make sure that I’m not leaping to conclusions here. You read it and then tell me if you went where I went. We join this chat session already in progress………

funwontx (5:53 PM): Did I lose you?
DeeDee (5:56 PM): No, you didn’t lose me. I’m at work, so occasionally, I actually have to work. I’m very sad about this turn of events.
funwontx (5:56 PM): lol….keep it up! it will pay off.
DeeDee (5:57 PM): It’s payday Friday and everyone else is headed off to happy hour and I’m stuck here. That kinda blows.
DeeDee (5:57 PM): So, I decided to shop online
funwontx (5:58 PM): what is your job
DeeDee (5:59 PM): Mistress of Fun
DeeDee (5:59 PM): Just kidding. I work in Collections for a cable company.
funwontx (5:59 PM): ahhhh..cool
funwontx (5:59 PM): breaking knee caps huh!
funwontx (5:59 PM): so everyone else is gone?
DeeDee (6:00 PM): No. Why does everyone say that?
DeeDee (6:00 PM): There are four people in my department. One went home early, one had an “emergency” and had to leave, and the other one works 8-4.
funwontx (6:01 PM): well then we should take advantage of a GOLDEN opportunity and make mad passionate love on your desk what a RUSH that would be
DeeDee (6:03 PM): You are a freaky, freaky man.
funwontx (6:03 PM): only in the most wonderful of ways
DeeDee (6:04 PM): There are people coming in and out of here all the time, so that wouldn’t work, plus, I don’t know you all that well. You could be some psycho perv.
funwontx (6:04 PM): or i could be an amazing man who knows how to take you to the next level
DeeDee (6:05 PM): Yeah, well, I’m not one of those girls that practice free love with people they don’t know. Call me old fashioned
funwontx (6:06 PM): i didnt ask for free love. Our previous conversation had a sexual content to it. Don’t get all prude on me now
DeeDee (6:09 PM): I know you didn’t ask me for it. There was a mild sexual innuendo in there and I’m not a prude, but I’m not cheap, either.
DeeDee (6:09 PM): The sex will come. Just not the first time I go on a real date with you
funwontx (6:09 PM): and besides, all i was doing was offering a “lifetime” moment….appreciate it, even if you are not brave enough to explore it
funwontx (6:09 PM): cheap? i wouldnt be talking to you if i thought you were cheap
DeeDee (6:09 PM): I work from 11-8. There are plenty of “lifetime” moments as my department empties out at about seven.
funwontx (6:10 PM): why silly rules about when sex will come? if we like each other, there should be no artificial barriers one way or the other.
funwontx (6:11 PM): no lifetime moments like the one i was offering
DeeDee (6:11 PM): I just know me. I talk about girls that do things like that, so I can’t very well be a hypocrite and do the same thing. ‘
DeeDee (6:11 PM): Besides, I don’t want to be one of those girls that leads a dude on or gives him the wrong idea.
funwontx (6:13 PM): then you might not want to be sexual in your phone conversations if you are scared of sex in real life. right???
funwontx (6:14 PM): artificial barriers to living life and being real seem very high schoolish to me. not to say we should have sex, but if we feel like it, then no silly rule should keep us from it. does that make any sense?
DeeDee (6:15 PM): I get where you’re coming from, but it’s not a rule. It’s who I am. I have to be able to respect myself and I wouldn’t be able to do that if I hit skins with you on the first date. Besides, I told you a silly joke I heard in class. I wasn’t referring to sex between the two of us.
DeeDee (6:15 PM): I’m not scared to have sex. I think it’s a beautiful thing, but if I wanted to randomly hook up with a guy, then I would go to Vicci or put up an ad in Casual Encounters on Craig’s List or something.
funwontx (6:16 PM): so you view sex as disrespectful? where on earth did you come up with that? sex is not a negative act, why turn it into a negative?
funwontx (6:17 PM): i wasnt talking about a random hookup. you aren’t understanding a thing i am saying are you?
DeeDee (6:19 PM): I’m not saying it’s negative. I’m not saying it’s disrespectful. I am just saying that it won’t happen for me the first time I meet someone.
funwontx (6:19 PM): you seem to have some pretty thick mental walls when it comes to sexuality. not uncommon, but very sad for you and your life. you will outgrow them hopefully as you mature and gain wisdom.
DeeDee (6:20 PM): You’re making snap judgments when you don’t even know me. Please don’t patronize me and act like you’re sooo much older and soooo much more experienced than I am.
funwontx (6:20 PM): if you EVER bar amazing things from happening to you or your life for ANY reason, then you should re-examine your life. it should be a wake up call for you.
funwontx (6:20 PM): not at all
funwontx (6:20 PM): i am merely going on what you are telling me
funwontx (6:21 PM): you are making artificial barriers where none exist. pretty obvious to a smart person
DeeDee (6:25 PM): I’m not making artificial barriers to anything. I know who I am. I know what I will and will not do. I could play the coquette like some women and be a tease, but at least I’m honest. I don’t play games. My body is worth something to me and I won’t just give it away. I need time to make sure that I’m sleeping with someone because I genuinely like them or because my hormones are getting the better of me.
funwontx (6:25 PM): so having sex is somehow “giving your body away”????? what a NEGATIVE way to view something so amazing.
funwontx (6:26 PM): so “hormone” sex is bad?
DeeDee (6:29 PM): Hormone sex is bad for me because I want to make that decision with an unclouded mind. I like to be in sync mentally and physically. I refuse to be ruled by raging sexual energy.
funwontx (6:29 PM): you and i are never going to see eye to eye. i view sex as wonderful, natural, normal, amazing, and fantastic…..not a SINGLE negative thing about it. you seem very pessimistic and negative about it…….a bastardization of what it is all about. very sad and disappointing. i fully understand where it comes from, but was hoping that you had enough introspection and self-actualization to overcome the negativity. seems as though you probably don’t.
funwontx (6:30 PM): so hormones “cloud the mind”??? omg. what a warped and negative way to view life.
DeeDee (6:31 PM): Any person with self actualization would realize that I’m making a mature choice.
funwontx (6:33 PM): lol……i would say that artificial barriers are in fact very immature. they are nothing but defense mechanisms.
DeeDee (6:35 PM): I’m not being defensive. I recognize what you’re saying. I had to take the same prerequisite psych class, too. Your dime store, intro to psych liturgy will not work on me. Besides, I’m Jewish. I know all the ins and outs of manipulating people using shame and guilt. My nana and father have been doing it to me for years. I just have a strong sense of self.
funwontx (6:35 PM): i’m sure you are a cool person, but we’d need to be compatible on the mind, body, and soul level…..and i can see that we are just on totally different levels sexually. i dont have any mental hang-ups at all about sexuality. we are probably not a fit….even though you are very attractive and seem intelligent (in all ways but sexually! lol )
funwontx (6:36 PM): i wasnt saying you were defensive. you misunderstood.
funwontx (6:36 PM): so people with a “strong sense of self” somehow dont like sex? that is pretty far out there! LOL
DeeDee (6:36 PM): I don’t have a mental hang up towards sex. I just don’t want to be pressured into it. I’m not talking about other people. I’m talking about me.
funwontx (6:37 PM): we never said anything about being pressured. where on earth did that come from?
funwontx (6:37 PM): sounds VERY negative
DeeDee (6:37 PM): If you say that I sound negative one more time, I swear I will scream. I know when someone is trying to use psych babble to try and confuse me and make me doubt my beliefs and decisions. I’m not being negative. I’m make a rational, mature decision to not jump into bed with the first hot guy that asks me.
funwontx (6:38 PM): just being honest with you girl. i will always be honest with you in all things. i respect you enough for that.
DeeDee (6:47 PM): If you respected me, you would respect my decision and quit trying to force the issue. You and I will never have a marriage of the minds on this particular issue. I can be the freakiest girl that you will ever meet in your life….once I feel comfortable with you. A coffee date or dinner is not enough time for me to feel comfortable enough to share my goodies with anyone. I don’t care if you’re Brad Pitt; I’m not having sex with you on the first date. I don’t care what other people do or how other people feel. They are entitled to their own opinions and can own up to their own behavior. I can only speak for me.
funwontx (6:48 PM): lol……fair enough.
DeeDee (6:49 PM): Of course it’s fair. I said it, didn’t I?
funwontx (6:50 PM): lol
DeeDee (6:51 PM): In case you haven’t noticed, I have a smart mouth. The effect of education, as Jane Austen would say.
funwontx (6:52 PM): you are a woman of contradictions
DeeDee (6:52 PM): I am a font of contradictions.
funwontx (6:52 PM): yup
DeeDee (6:53 PM): It’s probably all the conflict in my life. I was raised Christian and Jewish. I’m black and greek.
funwontx (6:54 PM): alas…..just scared of sex
DeeDee (6:54 PM): I know you are deliberately goading me.
DeeDee (6:55 PM): The only thing I am afraid, besides an STD that can’t be cured with penicillin, is bad sex and men with small penises.
funwontx (6:55 PM): damn honesty again
funwontx (6:55 PM): well i bring neither of those to the table
DeeDee (6:55 PM): Well, then you have nothing to worry about when I finally decide to break you off some, huh?
funwontx (6:56 PM): i have to get going. we could meet tonight if you wish. text me….512.350.XXXX (I bleeped out his number)
funwontx (6:57 PM): …..and i promise to pull out ! LOL
DeeDee (6:57 PM): You keep acting like an overbearing jerk and you’ll never get the chance, butthole!!!!!!!!!!
funwontx (6:57 PM): hehe
DeeDee (6:57 PM): bye
funwontx (6:57 PM): you mad?
DeeDee (6:58 PM): No. To get mad, I would have to care.
funwontx (6:58 PM): ok now worries
DeeDee (6:58 PM): peace out

Okay, now that you’ve read that sad exchange, was I overreacting? Was he not twisting my words to suit his own nefarious and lecherous plans?

State of the Union: Steamed
Listening to: Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5

Edited: September 23rd, 2008

Rant: Tell Me Something I Didn’t Know

Okay. I like Science. Well, I like it when other people are doing it. I understand that research is a valuable tool that leads to all kinds of discoveries that can better mankind. Some of them are perfectly valid. Others leave me scratching my head. I was reading this article on MSNBC.com about compulsive shoppers, a.k.a. shopaholics. They made people take this test:

The new test includes six statements, for which individuals answer on a 7-point scale from strongly disagree to strongly agree:

* My closet has unopened shopping bags in it.
* Others might consider me a “shopaholic.”
* Much of my life centers around buying things.
* I buy things I don’t need.
* I buy things I did not plan to buy.
* I consider myself an impulse purchaser.

Respondents who score 25 or higher would be considered compulsive buyers.

Who the heck wasted money conducting this survey? Anyone with two brain cells knows the answer to this. I know I’m a shopaholic. I answered strongly agree to each of these. I didn’t need a survey to tell me this.

Could someone please contact the knuckleheads in charge and advise them to cut off stupid studies like this and to start focusing their time, energy, and money to something worthwhile like Alzheimer’s or Cancer research?

State of the Union: In awe at the stupidity of people that are supposed to be intelligent
Listening to: Shut Up and Let Me Go by the Ting Tings

Edited: September 22nd, 2008

Meme: My Name(s)

YOUR REAL NAME: (Initials) DRF

YOUR GANGSTA NAME (1st 4 letters plus izzle): Demeizzle

YOUR DETECTIVE NAME (fave color + fave animal): Pink Unicorn

YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name + childhood street): Regina Valiant

YOUR STAR WARS NAME (last 3 letters of your last name + first 2 letters of your first name + first 3 letters of Mom’s maiden name): Intdefli

YOUR SUPER HERO NAME (2nd fave color + fave drink): Silver Chi-Chi

YOUR IRAQI NAME (2nd letter of your first name + 3rd letter of your last name + any letter of your middle name + 2nd letter of your Mom’s maiden name + 3rd letter of your Dad’s middle name + 1st letter of a sibling’s first name + last letter of your Mom’s middle name): Eiglaje

YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM NAME (Grandma/Grandpa’s first name + Jones): Helena Jones

YOUR GOTH NAME (Black + name of one of your pets): Black Caprichosa

YOUR AMERICAN IDOL NAME (fav car and sea food): Aston Martin Lobster

NAME OF YOUR DREAM BAND (name of computer + printer): Mac Hewlett Packard

MOVIE STAR NAME (Sibling’s middle name + mother in law’s maiden name) Varenne (Lord knows I’m not married)

YOUR ALTER EGO NAME (name of one your childhood pets + popular brand of clothes when you were young): Sambo Gap

YOUR LAWYER NAME (fav actor’s last name + fav hard liquor): Metcalfe Tequila

YOUR HIP HOP NAME (fav candy + fruit): Skittles Pineapple

State of the Union: Smiley
Listening to: Harder to Breathe by Maroon 5

Edited: September 20th, 2008

Dating Diaries: Update

I’m going to pull a Maury Povich and update you on the progress of all the guys that have appeared in my Dating Diaries section.

Patrick: I went to Crü with him and ended up making German Chocolate brownies when I went home all snockered, remember? Well, this whole thing petered out. I’m still his friend on My Space, but probably because he has so many that he forgot about me. I don’t think I would be on his page anymore if he knew that I phased him out because he was a premature ejaculator.

Kade: A.K.A Naughty Nanny Boy. I don’t hear from him anymore. He kept emailing me for a while, but when I threatened to expose his antics to his wife unless he stopped harassing me.

Chris: The little 23 year old in a band that kept saying he had tremendous sexual prowess because he was a Scorpio. I don’t talk to him anymore. I refused to be his groupie. I don’t get down with guys that do drugs (and I’m not talking about a little Mary Jane, either). He couldn’t dance and he couldn’t kiss and, if you can’t do those two things, the sex won’t get any better. Abort! Abort!

Karthic: A.K.A. the Indian guy. He wanted to have sex with me. That was his goal, his purpose for existence. He wanted to sleep with a black girl. He asked me every seven minutes when we were on the phone. He almost jumped me in his car in broad day. He told me some cockamamie story about how he travels a lot with his job and he might have to go out of town at anytime so he has to make the most of the time that we have. I said no again. Then *conveniently* tells me three days later that they’re sending him to Japan and he wants to come over. (It was like 12:30 a.m.) I told him no and haven’t heard from him since.

Eric: The grad student with tats. I see him from time to time. He still looks good on paper. He’s kinda nerdy hot in person. I could have actually developed some type of feelings for him at some point, but then he made a comment that changed how I looked at him and that kind of turned me off of him, but that’s a tale for another day.

Steven: 22 year old that just got his Math degree and is going to become a teacher. I still text him and talk to him, but we haven’t gone on an official “date” date yet. I think there was also a drunken makeout session. It sucks when both parties are wasted and can’t remember what the heck happened. He’s still up in the air.

Then there’s Barrett, who I went out for drinks with yesterday. He wants a friend with benefits. He actually asked me how to ask a girl to be that for him and not get slapped. (Good luck with that. Let me know how it works out for you) He says that girls start out okay with it and then they want more. I told him it’s an occupational hazard of being female. We can’t just have sex with someone and not feel something for that person at some point and any woman that says that she can has been screwed over by men to the point where she’s done (a small percentage) or are lying to themselves (larger percentage).

This whole dating jaunt has let me know that I don’t think I’m good at picking men. They ALL look great on paper, but are missing that vital something that I need. I also got introspective-y and realized that I’m not setting my standards too high (because Lord knows I have lowered them time and time again). They just aren’t for me. There’s nothing wrong with them. They’re just wrong for me.

Someday, my prince will come. I just hope I won’t be on a walker by the time he gets here.

State of the Union: Concerned
Listening to: Superstar by Lupe Fiasco

Edited: September 16th, 2008

Meme: Yeah, I Stole It. And?

I stolded this one from Sassypants’ My Space page. Yes. I am a meme stealer, but I’d rather do mindless memes than bash someone who is severely annoying me right now over the head with my keyboard, so meme it is

Could you see yourself with someone forever?
Besides Aidan Turner from All My Children? Yup. One man. Total Wanker.

What is your birthstone?
Pink Tourmaline (See? I was *destined* for pinkness)

Have you ever been to Hooters?
Yeah! It has my four favorite things: wings, beer, boys, and football.

Do you know anyone who is having a baby?
Claribel

Have you ever been called heartless?
By my stalker’s mother

When is the last time you did something you said you wouldn’t do?
I said I wouldn’t take my ex back and I did.
Then he promptly f—ed up.

Have you ever missed someone, and re-connected with them?
Claribel and Gabrielle.

Do you curse a lot?
Like a fucking sailor.

Do you think you have made a difference in anyone’s life?
I hope so.

What was the last thing you cried about?
Meg reminded me of how much we’re alike.

Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
No, but the circumstances of the relationship tend to be messed up from the beginning.

What are the last spoken words you heard?
“Are you still dating that beaner from Cohuila?” (My friend, Pete, does not believe in being politically correct)

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
Meg

Who is the last person you talked on the phone with?
Pete

Are you going anywhere for next summer?
Greece

Did you have plans today?
Yes and they were shot to hell. Damned Hurricane Ike.

Edited: September 16th, 2008

Amigos: To the Left, To the Left

Gianni did his experiment to expose my real friends from my fake ones by deleting all my numbers out of my phone last year. His rationale was that my real friends would call when they didn’t hear from me. I don’t think it was wise to have blogged about it while it was going on, because I had some friends that called me right after they read that post. So, that wasn’t the smartest course of action, but whatever. I was in shock at how many people actually read my blog to begin with.

I didn’t do an experiment this time because I feel that I shouldn’t have to test you to determine if you’re my friend. Your actions should show it and I should just know. And what I know is this: a real friend calls for no reason. A real friend emails you or IM’s you just because. A real friend will send you random texts just because you crossed their mind. A real friend responds to your text messages. A real friend returns your phone calls in a timely fashion (72 hours is sufficient time to call someone back) A real friend shows up when they say they’re going to be there. A real friend doesn’t let months on end pass without contacting you. A real friend doesn’t contact you when it’s close to their birthday or their kid’s birthday or Christmas because they know that you buy good presents. A real friend doesn’t call you only when they want something from you. They aren’t too busy to be bothered with you until their kid needs to be tutored because they’re going to be held back, or their spouse is cheating on them or the boyfriend that they kicked you to the curb for breaks up with them and they are at loose ends.

I have spent a week reevaluating my relationships. I can see now who has been there and who hasn’t. I can see who takes advantage of my generosity, who take and take without ceasing, who don’t put forth any time or any effort, but demand it of me, nonetheless. It makes me sad, but at the end of the day, it is what it is. It’s sad. It’s a shame. And it’s done. I’m done. I’m not going to try anymore. The people that have made the effort are the ones that I’m going to keep around. All the rest…well, they can kick rocks. I am cleaning house and the unhealthy, abusive, undermining, and downright indifferent friendships are coming to an end.

State of the Union: Done
Listening to: Irreplaceble by Beyoncé (Fitting, ain’t it?)

Edited: September 16th, 2008