Happy Veterans Day, Peeps. I love that we have a day dedicated to honoring all the men and women that have fought to protect our country, and a whole heap of other ones as well. I love the red, white and blue and I am proud to be an American.
State of the Union: Patriotic
Listening to: Possession by Sarah McLachlan
Edited: July 25th, 2008
There are few things that I hate more in life than people that cheat. To me, being a cheater is marginally better than being a wife beater or a child molester. I don’t understand why people need to cheat. Why can’t they break up with their significant other, do their dirt, wait a couple of weeks, and then just get back with them? Anything that happened during the breakup period is like a tax exemption: it doesn’t count. Why don’t married people just strap on a pair, tell their significant other that it’s not working and get a proper separation? Then, they don’t get saddled with recriminations or get labeled as the whorebag that cheated.
There’s so much duplicity and inherent dishonesty involved with cheating. It’s one thing to have a one-time drunken shag fest. It’s not right, but it’s not a deliberate act like carrying on an affair. What does cheating accomplish? They lie to their significant other. They end up dragging other people into their lies when they need a cover story. Their credibility as a decent person is completely shot to hell and no one will trust them around their partner ever again. And for what? For a piece of ass? For a little excitement? To scratch an itch? I don’t see how they can look at themselves in the mirror, knowing that they are deceiving their loved ones.
I am going to be completely sexist for a minute here, but I want to throw the book at women. Men, I’m less surprised when they do it because it’s in their nature to want to spread their seed. I’m not saying that it’s right, but I’m saying that it happens. But women. I expect more of women. I don’t see how a woman could do that to another woman. Even worse, when a woman does it to another woman that she knows. Even if they aren’t bosom buddies, I don’t understand how she can have the balls to talk to them on the phone or even raise their glance to them, knowing that they’re having one off with their man. Or, knowing that there are kids involved and their family could potentially be destroyed.
Sneaky, lying, deceitful, untrustworthy whores. That’s what cheaters are. Man or woman. Yup, I’m passing judgment. If I was doing something equally as dishonest or stupid, I would fully expect for each of you to say the same damn thing about me. I’ll readily admit that I’ll give the glad eye to an attractive man, but, once I see the ring, they are off limits and get sequestered forever to the “Island of Forgotten Toys” in my mind, never to be looked at, touched, or played with ever again.
Whoredom knows no bounds. They should put that in a fortune cookie.
State of the Union: Snarky
Listening to: Homewrecker by Gretchen Wilson
Edited: July 25th, 2008
Gabrielle and I were best friends for twelve years. We knew every story, every scar, every song. It’s true. I made her an anthology of us, the soundtrack of our lives. Every song had a story behind it, a meaning, a hidden truth that only we knew and understood. Even though she lived in Las Cruces and I lived in Austin, we had a bond. A week, six months, a year could go by and we would call each other or see each other and we’d fall back into our pattern, a conversation that would pick up right where it left off.
She and I fell out because of one of her friends. It’s so cliché, so typical of females, that I don’t even want to go into it. Lies were told, truths were twisted, and a friendship was fractured. Reparations have been slow. Two years and counting. Our truce is so tentative that we don’t even trust ourselves to speak on the phone. Our communication is strictly done through texts. Neither of us is willing to risk it and say something that can’t be taken back. Neither of us is willing to admit that we let go when we promised that we never would.
She’s married now, to a man with children. I’m single with no commitments. Never, never did she want to get married. Never, never did I want to be alone. It’s like we’ve switched paths, taken the course that the other seemed destined to follow. I don’t begrudge her her happy ending. It’s been a long, winding path to get there for her.
So, I will be generous. I will be the friend she turns to when she can’t cope. I’ll be her sounding board. I will be the person to shore her up. And I will try not to see the senselessness of our rupture. I will try not to wonder how different our lives would have been if we had remained true-blue friends instead of drifting apart. And I will try not to gloat that she’s not even friends with the other anymore and that everything that I said would happen between them has come to pass.
Good friends don’t wallow in righteous indignation; they rise above it.
State of the Union: Vindicated
Listening to: Dear Mama by Tupac Shakur
Edited: July 25th, 2008
Would life be complete without a meme? Can you tell how bored I am at work today?
1) What is your favorite TV show? Buffy
2) What one word in your opinion describes you? indefatigable
3) What is your favorite CD at the moment? Those still exist?
4) How many contacts are in your cell phone? Less and less everyday
5) Favorite rock song? November Rain by Guns n Roses
6) Favorite sandwich? Turkey, bacon, avocado and pepper jack on ciabatta bread
7) What characteristic do you despise? Liars, manipulators, child abusers, wife beaters
Language you would love to learn? Italian or Russian
9) Do you throw your clothes away or donate them to charity? Do my cousins count as charity?
10) Hot Dog or Hamburger? Hamburger. You get meat and veggies.
11) Favorite vacation spot? Paris
12) Do you participate in group discussions or just sit and listen?
Participate mostly, but talk smack under my breath when the person is overly pretentious
13) Where would you retire to? Retirement? Have you seen the economy? We’ll all be working at Walmart at 70.
14) What was your most recent memorable birthday? My boobs almost plopping out on my birthday cake when I turned the big 3-0
15) Favorite sport to watch? Are you ready for some FOOTBALL?!?!?!?!
16) Favorite saying? You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em (Not only is it an awesome country song, but kinda funny considering I don’t gamble)
17) Are you a morning person or a night person? Night owl
18) Do you laugh out loud or keep it in? LOUD laugher alert
19) Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with us? I just saved 15% by switching to Geico
20) What did you want to be when you were little? Correspondent for Paris Match and the Washington Post
21) Favorite sweet tooth item? Chocolate truffles. So sinfully delicious
22) Favorite flower? Pink roses and orchids
23) What are you listening to right now? Back in Black by ACDC
24) Do you wish on stars? Yes. Corny, yes I know.
25) If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Periwinkle or Magenta
26) Favorite food to cook? Crawfish Etoufee or Bouillabaisse
27) Favorite wine? Blush or White Zinfandel because it makes me view the world through rose-colored glasses .
28) Favorite soda: Italian cream soda
29) Favorite beer: Toss up between Dos Equis and Becks
30) Favorite liquor? Champagne (does that count as a liquor or a wine?), Pimm’s, Ketel One,
31) Favorite restaurant? Al Capone’s Ristorante Italiano
32) Hair color? Red. No, really.
33) Siblings? Legions
34) Favorite days of the year? Christmas, New Years and Yom Kippur
35) What was your favorite toy as a child? my Atari
36) Summer or winter? I like Fall better
37) Hugs or kisses? Depends on who’s doing it
38) Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate
39) When was the last time you cried? Yesterday
40) What did you do last night? Friend’s Birthday party followed by a marathon of playing Madden
41) Favorite scent? The smell of the surf at the beach
42) What are you afraid of? Clowns, crazy men wielding knived, going to Hell
43) If you could be any profession, what would you be? Porn star…just kidding, I’d be a serious journalist or a novelist
44) Who knows you better than anyone? God
45) Popcorn? Kettle corn, please
46) How many keys on your key ring? 4
47) Favorite day of the week? It’s Friday, I’m in Love.
48) Favorite 80’s Song? If You Leave by OMD or Tainted Love by Soft Cell
49) How many cities have you lived in? Three
50) Do you think your friends talk about you behind your back? No, they do it to my face. We’re honest like that
State of the Union: Pooped ( long ass meme)
Listening to: Silver Lining by Rilo Kiley
Edited: July 25th, 2008
I’m one of those weird people that has multiple dreams per night. Normally, the dream starts already in progress. I don’t think I’m supposed to remember my dreams, but whatever, they’re like t.v. only funner! (Yes, I know funner is not a word. I go to collidge.)
My first dream last night was completely inappropriate, seeing as I dreamed about my friend’s brother. My second dream was that I was in a police chase. ( We were watching Cops in Albuquerque before I went to sleep). My third dream was the best. I dreamed that I was living in Cruces again and it was chile season. I love chile, red and green, and I love the smell of it in the air. I love the smell of it being roasted, too, but that smell lets me know that I’m in Cruces.
I lived there for a year. I lost my best friend, made an enemy of the roommate that replaced her, and met my new best friend. I should have hated every second that I was there because I was constantly without funds. I lived on 1/4 of the pay I was used to making in Austin. I didn’t have a car there and had to walk or take the bus because I was too proud to ask for a ride. There weren’t a lot of trees. The bars weren’t open during the week. People back home laughed at me when I told them that the bowling alley was the place to be on Saturday nights because they had a d.j. and discounted drinks. They didn’t have Hot and Spicy McChicken sandwiches at McDonald’s then and they closed down the Popeyes so there were no spicy chicken strips. I didn’t realize it at first, but my second roommate didn’t live on the best side of town. I laugh about it now because we were over the river and on the other side of the tracks. (literally) And, worst of all, there was no GAP.
At the end of my year, I drove away in my rental screaming “Freedom” like Mel Gibson in Braveheart, yet I still miss that place sometimes. I get homesick. I miss being able to look out the window and see mountains. I miss going to JC’s for the best tortas on the planet. I miss being able to see the stars at night, so big that you could reach out and grab them. I miss the ghetto tailgating parties. I miss the good friends that I made and the fact that my allergies didn’t kick the entire time I live there.
I went through some serious adversity there. I learned so much about myself and how I deal with pressure. Everything was so cut and dry there. It was simple. I was so focused there. I walked to school every single morning, from one end of town to another in heat and cold because I was committed to getting my education. I worked at a crappy job that I couldn’t stand to prove that I wasn’t a quitter. I learned how to rise above it with a bipolar roommate who also happened to be a pathological liar. I learned that I could live without shopping every week, without eating at the best restaurants, or having everything that I wanted when I wanted it. Cruces made me appreciate my life more. It made me appreciate what I had in Austin more and embrace it.
This post just went to places I didn’t intend it to.
State of the Union: Reminiscent
Listening to: America’s Next Top Model
Edited: July 25th, 2008
My brother is the prince of all men. He is. He’s smart, he’s funny, he’s kind, he speaks five languages, graduated from Stanford, he’s well traveled and just a fun guy to be around. No woman in her right mind would let this man go, which confirms my theory that Amanda is the dumbest bitch to walk the face of the Earth.
My brother works on a sailboat that is so large you might as well call it a yacht. He gets to travel the world and see exotic places, but he’s gone for weeks or months at a time. He wants to keep working as long as he is physically able to do so before the lymphoma makes him too weak. Apparently, Amanda called herself laying down the law and telling him that he needs to spend the time that he has left with her. Selfish much? He was understandably upset because he was honest with her from the beginning about what his job was and how much time went into it. Some words were said and he told her that he needed some time to cool off before he said something that he couldn’t take back. They were on a break, in other words, and anyone that watches “Friends” can tell you how well those work out.
The night of their big blowup, she goes Houston with one of my brother’s friends and they party it up and, long story short, he slept with her. He was contrite and called my brother the next day and told him. Amanda calls him the next day as well and tells him that she’s sorry for yelling and making demands and that she still loves him and puke, puke, puke. (That’s me doing the puking, not her) Gianni asked her if there was something that she wanted to tell him and she said no. He asked her if she wanted to let some things off her chest and, if she did, this was amnesty period where she got a free pass. She still didn’t bite. He asked her where she was and what she had done the night before. She told him she was driving back from Houston and that she’d gone out with “the girls” and had a blast.
When she got home, Gianni was loading the last of his stuff into his car. She asked him why he was taking his stuff and leaving. He asked her again if anything went on in Houston and she looked him in the eye and lied. Oh, bitch, that was the nail in your coffin. He told her that he could understand rash acts committed during a time when the relationship status was kind of hazy. They were on a break, whatever, but the one thing he cannot stand is a liar and she looked him in his face and lied and that shit wouldn’t fly. He told her that he stayed with her when his parents didn’t like her, when I didn’t like her, when his friends didn’t like her. He stayed with her when she was a raving bitch, he put up with her mood swings, with her dual personalities, through all her bullshit. All he asked was that she be honest with him and she couldn’t even do that right.
Old girl had been calling up a storm. We went out last night and she caused the biggest scene while we were out celebrating our friend Shelly’s birthday. He tried to take her out quietly, but then she went Linda Blair on his ass. She was frothing at the mouth. For real. She started screaming that she couldn’t believe that he was doing this to her, that she had waited and waited for him to marry her and he wouldn’t, that he wouldn’t move in with her. Then, she started screaming that he couldn’t commit because he was secretly in love with me and that she’s happy that we’ll finally be together because it’s obvious that we want to be together and on and on. I told him to just pick her up and take her out before she made even more trouble. Then she turns on me and calls me a bitch and a whore and says that she’s be glad when my stalker comes back to Texas so he can finish what he started and that’s when Gianni flipped out. For all of two seconds, I thought he was going to hit her.
I told him to keep his cool and not to stoop down to her level. The girl is trash and there’s no need to contaminate himself further. She starts screaming to Gianni that she should have hooked up with my brother Brandon (who passed away and was Gianni’s best friend) instead because he was more of a man than Gianni would ever be. I told her to shut her mouth before I did it for her and then she dropped a bomb. She started screaming that my stalker didn’t break into my house, that she told him where the spare key was and that she knew what he was going to do to me and that she wished that he wouldn’t have just raped me, beat me up and left me for dead, but that he had killed me because she fucking hated me.
It took my brother and two bouncers to pull me off that bitch. When I see her, every time I see her, I’m going to kick her ass. I already told her. She might as well move to another state or another country, because I’m going to kick her ass every..single..time I see her. I don’t care if I go to jail. I don’t care if I go to prison. If I could kill her and not go to Hell, I would. It’s that serious. I can’t stand her, I knew she was trouble from day one, and I am so glad that my brother got her out of his life.
If you see me on the evening news being carted away in the paddy wagon for assault, you already know that lying, rotten, cheating, bitchy, traitorous whorebag was in the vicinity.
State of the Union: Pissed
Listening to: Misty Mountain Hop by Led Zepplin
Edited: July 25th, 2008
I was in belly dancing class today and I told my friend that I posted some pics from Crush Party on my blog. Then my teacher turns around and tells me that she’s read my blog and I have some “trippy” stuff on here. Apparently, her husband found my blog site and asked if I was still one of her students or something. I thought about some of my recent entries and started blushing because I talk about some random crap on here. Then I was mentally flipping through all my entries trying to remember if I ever said anything crazy about her.
Today was my little sister’s eighth birthday. She’s only in second grade. When I was eight, I was in third grade, but Texas has enacted some stupid rules about starting school if your birthday falls after a certain date in the fall. For my little stinkybutt princess, I bypassed a trip to Oklahoma with my brother and his hottie friends to see the Texas/Oklahoma State game. Texas won with a last minute field goal. It would figure there’s suspense and hijinks on the game I don’t go to.
I took my sister and little brother to CiCi’s Pizza. Most people would say I was being cheap, but those little punks eat like goats. They will keep eating until you take the food away from them. We then went to the Bookstore so they could get some reading material (There will be no dummies on my watch). I was watching videos on t.v. and they had me laughing with their dancing and singing abilities. After they passed out, I spent the evening watching football on my dad’s big screen until my parents came home from church.
There was massive drama with my brother and “she-that-shall-not-be-named-for-fear-that-I-will-drive-to-her-house-and-kick-her-ass.
That will be a separate entry, once I get the whole story.
State of the Union: In Suspense
Listening to: Hot in Here by Nelly
Edited: July 25th, 2008
I can’t feel feet.
I can’t feel mt tips
Sloshed
Gianni mad.
Amanda whorebag.
Fight in my huse
Too drunnk
Edited: July 25th, 2008
Tomorrow is my little sister’s birthday. I decided to be the good big sister and take her class cupcakes, conveniently timed to be handed out juuust before school ended and before the sugar buzz kicked in. My sister’s teacher is a saint among women because my little sister is a monster and her little classmates are of the same ilk.
When you go into her class, there’s a visitor’s chair that you have to sit in and they make a big to-do about it. My sister had to introduce me and tell something about me. Do you know what that little shit said about me? She said, “This is my sister, Demetrius. My mom says she’s old as dirt and is really popular with the boys.” WTF?!?!?!? I was so embarrassed. Her teacher was cracking up laughing at me and I blushed. Yes, people, I blushed. How do you come back from that?
Then, they do a “Question and Comment” portion where she unleashes these little monsters on you. I was sweating like a whore in church. They were firing off questions about my marital status, how old am I really, if I have a boyfriend, where I got my purse, if my shoes were Chanel, if my purse was real, if my shoes were real, if my hair was real, why am I so old if my sister is so young, if I was really my sister’s mother (Hey, Buddies, I’m from Texas, not Kentucky. We don’t do stuff like that here.)
I was passing out the cupcakes and I shit you not, two of the little boys were trying to pick me up. WTF? Do they teach this stuff during recess in first grade or what? I feel like a cougar whenever guys under 25 try to ask me out on a date. Can you imagine how I felt when a little 8 year old told me to “hit him up on his cell?”
Feel free to stop laughing whenever the mood hits you.
State of the Union: Shock and Disbelief
Listening to: Settle for a Slow Down by Dierks Bentley
Edited: July 25th, 2008
My brother has a theory and I need to test the veracity of his statement. He said that any woman can attract and keep a man as long as she owns three essential items:
1) an HDTV
2) surround sound
3) a PS3
Is he right?
State of the Union: Perplexed
Listening to: Don’t Speak by No Doubt
Edited: July 25th, 2008
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